Adrienne's Meanderings

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2010-02-02T21:02:00.001-08:00

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family tree software - Historical photos

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2010-02-02T20:57:00.001-08:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2010-02-02T20:22:00.001-08:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

Dear Love

2009-11-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

Where are you?
I've been waitting all my life for you.

Sometimes the best thing you can do to drown out your magnified pms emotions is to play your music really loud.
I'm done with Adrienne's Meanderings, I'm starting a new blog, I'll keep the select few posted as to what the addy will be ie: Kat. I love you Kitty Kat and at this point in my cycle my heart misses you like something fierce!!!!

Where Does the Good Go

2009-11-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

I love these girls! Too bad every show that is near me is sold out:(.

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The strange and the beautiful of Tegan and Sara

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Four Years Ago

2009-11-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

Hey Blogger you suck, just let me put the damn link.
Sigh here it is the o'l cut and past way.

Nov. 12th 2005

Sea Glass and Other Stuff

If any of you know me very well, you know that I love to collect glass especially depression glass and sea glass. I love the vibrant colours of glass and the way that the light shines on them and through them. So at the beginning of October I went down to the beach a couple of times to tan and collect glass. Their was one particular day that I just kept finding pieces of glass being burped up from the lake onto the shore. Some pieces were smooth from being tossed back and forth on the floor of the lake and a couple pieces still had some jagged edges on them. These jagged pieces needed to be rubbed more and so I threw them back in (Oh man Feist is on [Let it Die] such a good vocalist and song writer) to be made smoother. I asked my mom how long she thought that it took for the glass to be made smooth and she said that some of the pieces could take up to ten years. I think that it probably takes longer. So looking at this glass reminded me of myself and my walk with Christ, I have all these jagged edges that need to be smoothed away and so I get thrown into the sea of life where I am tossed back and forth so that God can form me into what he needs me to be. Sometimes I think that we 'think' we have weathered the seas of life just fine and so we come up for air on shore. Then God sees us in our pride and throws us back in again so we can learn what he needs us to learn. Life is hard but it is during the hard times that we can grow dependant on Him and I would rather life be hard than easy because if life were easy then I would feel like I didn't need Him.
Yes, everything and anything could be made into an analogy and I am sure that sea glass has been used before but it is new for me.
Song for today that has really moved me is Mercy Me's 'Where You Lead Me', I don't usually like mainstream Christian pop/worship music but this song speaks to me about the place that I am in right now. My Aunt forgot this CD at my house last Easter and I started listening to it in the Summer when I felt like I was being spiritually attacked at night.

What is life/ A thousand roads a thousand ways/ And why am I/ So afraid to move/ I crossed the line/ I'm stepping out so come what may/ I'll give it all/ Cause I'm drawn to you / As long as my heart is beating/

Where You lead me, I will follow/ Where You lead me, I'll give my life away/ Where You lead me, I will follow/ Forever and a day

I can't deny/ Your very presence is my life/ And why would I/ Ever turn away/ Cause deep inside/ I know that I can not rely/ On anything/ Less than faith/ As long as my heart is beating/ This is all I'm dreaming of/ To live completely in Your love.

So this is me, this is who I am, Jesus take me and use me!

Currently on the Soundtrack of my Life

2009-11-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

You've never heard the fbomb sung so sweetly. Never have I found a song so fitting for a time in my life.

Just found this band and I love em!

Almosts

Gary
Dusty
John
Gary again
Joel
Darren
Karlow
Jordan
Cameron
Tom
Darren again
Karl
Phil
_______.

The Nude Run

2009-11-03T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ya, thats right the nude run. The run from the shower to your room before your room-mates or spouse can see you. Everyone does it.

I've been at placement for two days and apparently I'm in the class with the most behavioural challenges. I seriously don't necessarily think that its so much just behavioural but that the kids are sitting down too much, the teacher does a great job of mixing everything up and making things engaging and interesting buuuuut...she takes away recess. Something these little boys really need to have is recess, in order to be active and destress after sitting in desks all day. To tell you the truth I'm bored out of my mind and ready to poke my eye balls out after sitting all day and doing desk work with them.
In my Phys Ed class at Trent my instructor said that she does gym once a day EVERYDAY and has found that her students perform better in class because of that. Now I do agree with this but honestly I dunno.....something else needs to change...just like church really isn't a guy thing (unless your in a leadership position), I don't think that school is either. Can't we do something else for these kids, they need activity, they need sensory, and they need fun!
Oh my goodness, I love the classroom I'm in. The boys are off the wall and I have to keep myself from laughing at them all the time, especially when they are misbehaving because I know exactly what they are thinking and why they are doing it. Today one of the boys was fidgeting so much in his chair that he lost control and fell sideways, it was so funny. I had to keep myself from giving one of my bellowing laughs, he tried to recover but just couldn't.
One of the girls has developed an attatchment to me already, she is the sweetest little girl ever! She wanted my help so badly that she pretended to not understand something when she clearly did.
Me: "Are you sure you need my help?"
A: "Yes"
Me: (knowing smile) "Are you sure you 'need' my help or you 'want' my help?"
A: (sweetest shy little smirk on her face) "Maaaaybe"

Ohhhhh I could just urggghhhh hug her......but I'm not aloud:(.

Self Sabotage

2009-11-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

Unrestraint

Compulsive

Strangers

It's done and what can I do? Except slink away into my corner with my tail between my legs.

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

Good Girl

2009-11-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

"I'm a good girl, I am!"
Audrey Hepburn, My Fair Lady

Manscapeing

2009-10-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

So I've come to learn that I think I like guys who have some sort of sense of style and who take care of their appearance. Not someone who is looking in the mirror all the time but a guy who takes pride in the presentation of himself.
Their is a boy in a couple of my classes and he's really nice and all but.....he doesn't shave the hair on the nape of his kneck often enough. It really bugs me! I don't hate body hair but I think you need to try and groom yourself a little bit. Guys we know that you notice when we haven't plucked our brows or lips or shaved our legs and other areas. What would make you think that we don't notice when you don't maintain yourself either?
In fact I think that men shouldn't be afraid of doing more to keep themselves more maintained. Like if you have really bushy eye brows pull a few stray ones out so that they don't take up your whole eyes. You don't have to shape them or anything, just thin them out a little. Don't shave them though, we can tell when you shave them, you gotta yank those bad boys out from the roots.
If your going to grow a beard (personally I hate them, this whole hipster throw back to the eighties trend has got to go) make sure you groom it regularly! Beards are okay when they are maintained properly. You may think this is a lot of work but just think of how much time we women take to look pretty, if your going to grow a beard you need to be responsible for it, just like when you get a piercing you have to sterilize it almost every day for the first two months.
Oh and then their are those guys that just don't have a sense of style but really try but it just ends up looking mismatched, nothing against them its just I need someone who can pick out their own clothes without my help, I can give my opinion
but I don't want to dress them like a child.

Something else that has been randomly kicking around in my head is that women and people with enfants should get some sort of tax credit on sanitary products. It isn't like we women intentionally menstruate. Dear Government of Canada do you know how much that puts a dent in our budget every month? Come on hook a woman up Canada.
Okay back to the paper.

Overwhelmed

2009-10-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

Right now I feel like my only beauty is my blond hair and the various colours of blond and red that are reflected in it. Their is a scene in "Little Women" where the character Joe cuts off all her hair and sells it so that the family can have some extra money. Her sister exclaims upon seeing it for the first time "your one beauty!" I'm overwhelmed with school, teacher's college is a lot of work, not very complicated but labour intensive, currently I have nineteen hours of school plus four hours of placement. They aren't even going to let us have our reading break off in its entirety, instead they booked a bunch of guest speakers for seminars we have to attend. I can tell you now that my personal hygiene and figure are going to be going down the drain. Bring on the lap-top ass! Plus the stress induced eczema and zits, awesome!

I think Mario Lopez has found the fountain of youth

2009-09-30T20:06:00.001-07:00

I swear this guy never ages.

If You Like Quirkey and Eccentric then I'm Your Girl

2009-09-29T14:10:00.001-07:00

More boy stories.
Yet again I'm faced with the fact that I have 2.5 men interested in me who are significantly younger than I am and yet again I am not interested in any of them. Damn! Why does this keep happening!!! It seems the guys I like aren't into me and the men who like me I'm not interested in. Awesome, I love it when life kicks you when your down. So frustrating cuz these guys are good and decent, all very sweet, thoughtful, appreciators of art and very giving. I'm just not that into them. What the heck!?!?

ADE

Teacher's College in P-town

2009-09-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

As I begin teacher's college I am reminded of my experiences in elementary school. I'm filled with tons of anxiety from the past. Elementary school scarred me, my learning disability caused a lot of damage to me and has continued on into how I even now deal with stress. To begin with I'm a person that needs a lot of encouragement in order to try new things and then to have to go through the pressure of school, it was horrible.
Math class brought up a lot of bad memories for me! Our teacher had us each tell our stories of learning math and I was surprised at how many people had just as bad an experience as me, it was then that my anxiety began to subside.
I dunno though, I'm exhausted and I feel like I'm just going to be running a marathon this whole year....HELP!!!
Plus mom keeps talking about me finding a husband and giving me the purity talk. Awesome, NOT:(. Just because I'm getting my life on track finally doesn't mean I'll have all of my ducks in a row. I've done all the 'right' things in my life and that doesn't garantee a fairy tale ending.

Don't shut me out

2009-07-30T16:54:00.000-07:00

I feel awkward, I feel out of place, I feel too quirky.
When will I embrace me, when will people embrace me.

Tansitiontransientonlychildchristianlearningstyleshelteredlifespoileddominantopinionatedjudgementaldaydreamerabsentmindedtoosensitivelovestoohardlovestoolittlewhich one of these things hinders me?

Triple Bs=Best Salad Dressing, B+ Average, Boobies

2009-06-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

Currently on an all vegetable diet which consists of a lot of salad, soups, steamed vegetables and zero fermented products.

Best Salad Dressing Ever

Crushed red chillis
Crushed Ginger
Lemon Juice
Braggs Soy Sauce
Coconut Milk

Finished my last year at York with honours which means I have a B+ average. Hurray for working my ass off to be average :) and :(.

Scored a nanny job for the summer with 3.5 yr old twins.
Today I got my boobs blatantly felt up.
"Don't touch those, those are mine"
I-"Are those your boobies?"
J-"Do you like to touch your boobies?" (I avoided this question)
We are learning about sharing right now.
I-"Thats not fair that you get to touch them and we don't"
"Well their mine not yours, when you grow up you'll get your own"
I-"Will they be big?"
"That all depends on the genetics of your parents" (way over their head [I know] but I think they get it kind of.

Dear Billy Bob Thornton

2009-04-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

I AM POUTINE!

ADriEnne Broke Up A Fight at Her School

2009-03-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

So last Tuesday I was waitting for the bus when a fight broke out.

Its funny because the week before I had been remembering a time when I volunteered at a youth drop-in in Sarn-hole in 06-07 and a fight broke out that I had tried to prevent. At the time I didn't feel like 'I' was the right person to break up the rumblings of the storm because of my gender and stature.

To this day I keep replaying the scene in my head because I was the only person who saw it coming, instead when I said something to my male counterpart to try and calm the situation he was too lazy to get up and break the two boys up.

The one boy was extremly intoxicated and the other just wanted to fight for the sake of venting his pent up anger/rage at the world on someone else. The fight escalated into a terf war between drop-in kids and skate park kids. I remember standing in front of the sober fight instigator and pushing skater boy's girlfriends off of him because they were drunk and want to get a couple shots in on him too. The fight ended with blood and the cops.

One of the girlfriends shoved me hard from behind, the kids from the drop-in were quite upset by this and asked me if I wanted them to kick her ass, I didn't. Still I was touched by their concern for me.

Anyway I was recently thinking about this past incident and how I just should have stood between the two guys despite my stature and gender.

So on Friday lil o'l me was standing at the bus stop, I had seen a group of guys running around with this wild look in their eyes so I knew something was up. Then at one point two boys burst out of doors near her bus stop. One banged on the glass for emphasis then the boy beside him turned and started throwing punches, shortly after four other boys jumped in and started throwing punches. It was five on one. I thought they would just get their punches in and then walk away... but no, it continued. A crowd was gathering, one girl was getting upset but no one was stepping in to intervene.

So I decided to step in and pull a mama bear because no one else was. I started shouting in my firmest commanding voice "STOP IT, GET OFF OF HIM." I tried to weasel my way in and break it up but the punches were flying too fast. Finally two other taller male bystanders pulled them apart. Two guys fled the scene and three stayed to taunt the guy, and try to get in a few more shots. I then stood in the middle of them, the three guys started to circle around to try and get to him, so I stood between him and them. They noticed me and kind of looked at me funny but continued on in their taunts. Finally the wounded guy left, I scolded the two remainders with "you guys are acting like idiots!"

By that time the bus had arrived so I got on. The funny thing is no one would look at me, no one even asked if I was alright, even though I was shaking like a leaf.

When I was interviewing my grandma this week for my Life Writing class about her thoughts on the response of the German people to the Holocaust she said she was ashamed of her elders for not doing anything about it (She is orig from Germany). I told her my story from last week and she was so proud of me. When I told her about the people's lack of concern for me she said it was because they were ashamed that they hadn't stepped in themselves... I'm not sure if she's right...sometimes I think that people are just so desensitized that they like seeing a good fight, its a source of entertainment. I dunno, thats my long story.

Undeliverable Letters (Some things are just better un-said)

2009-03-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Crush,
I pretend I just want to be friends but I would like to have more with you. I didn't think that my infatuation would get this far or that I would even find you attractive. I'm sorry for putting you in this position but I guess I just need a verbal confirmation from you that you are not interested/attracted to me so that I can stop hoping for the none-existent and move on. I've learned to never assume anything and I'm tired of having to remind myself that you don't call me or ask me to do things so that means you just aren't that into me. Please don't try to soften your response to me, I need brutal rejection.

Dear Crush,
I wish I never laid eyes on you and saw your sweetness for what it really was.

Dear Crush,
I hate you for being so great. I don't want to think about you anymore.

Best None Dairy Milk Shake Alternative EVER!

2009-03-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

Velvet Elvis Smoothie

1 FROZEN banana
Almond Butter
Almond Milk
Cinnamon
Cocoa Camino Cocoa

Put in Blender and Voila!

Current meanderings in my mind and MORE teenage boy stories.<---Beware stream of thought dialogue.<----Beware stream of thought dialogue.

2009-03-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been feeling really conflicted about staying and going/throwing down roots/being a transient. I've been a transient for a good eight or so years now and I'm tired of it. I guess I'm tired of being the type of transient that has no money and time to spend with people. But I still want to travel and live in different places....but I'm tired of going through friends like they are going out of style, I want relationships that stick....relationships are hard! Yet, all of my friends are transients like me as well. I struggle with living in different countries as a teacher or if I want to stay in Toronto. I have this dream of settling in a good sized place, hosting dinner parties and setting my table with my collection of accumulated depression glass. I'm torn because I love adventure too and want to travel. Maybe when I'm able to teach and have money to spare for more than once a month splurges on eating out plus a movie I'll be able to go out more. Plus I'm tired of only having church friends! I want to meet people who aren't just church people, I'd like to join a climbing gym, take some cooking classes, take some hip-hop classes and join a book club. All these things require spare cash that I don't have.

Okay now for the good stuff. So at work (I work at a refugee shelter) we have some teenage boys from a country near Russia and MAN do they give me the come hither gaze, its a little bit intimidating. They are pretty cute and if I was a lot younger I'd be really excited, I don't think they realize how old I am. Ya, I still got it at 28.

The other night at work I was talking with a resident from Latin America who is in his early twenties and I mentioned a movie I wanted to see. Weeeellll he asked me when I wanted to see it and I said I didn't know just because I don't have a lot of time or money to do things like that. He then said that if I were to go he wouldn't mind going with me. Gah!!! I then told him I wasn't aloud to do things with residents outside of the shelter for legal reasons, phew saved by my work policies!!! Still I have to give him props, white guys in Canada don't give me the time of day.

This past Friday I went out with my new friend Jenna, we stopped in at thee most incredible music store on College St. and we were perusing their vast indie/eclectic music collection. Jenna was naming off a bunch of artists she loved, half I knew and the other half I didn't, I felt so out of the music scene loop. I exclaimed that "I was too busy to be hip" anymore. Seriously I don't have time to stay up to date with music anymore, yeh growing up:(.

Because I'm a Fakebook Narcissist

2009-02-23T20:29:00.001-08:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I don’t wear pastel colours or pigtails because they are associated with youth-fullness. I’m tired of being thought of as 7-8 years younger than what I really am. The only pastel I wear is light yellow because it matches my hair.

2. I don’t do well with groups of people over eight in number if I don’t know anyone.

3. I have three middle names; Grace, Trudy, Karen.

4. I was prom queen at my high school. They pulled my name out of a hat. When they called my name my girlfriends didn’t think I was really ‘thee prom queen’ and said that they must have called up another girl named Amy Archer. I didn’t go up.

5. One time I won Chubby Bunny. I had 15 marshmallows stuck in my cheeks.

6. I’ve been trying to look at God through the lens of androgyny for the past four years.

7. I’m competitive but I have no hand eye coordination

8. When I become an old women I want my hair to turn completely white, not gray.

9. When I was a little girl and I was about to get a spanking for being bad I would hide under my bed. Mom would try to drag me out but I would hold onto the legs of the bed.

10. I avoid awkward moments and conflict like an animal trying to bite it’s leg off from a trap.

11. Sometimes I think I love like a kid who squeezes their hamster to death.

12. I’m brutally honest, this inhibits me from saying things like “I just want you to be happy.” However I’m learning you don’t keep friends this way, sooo “I just want you to be happy?”

13. My parents and I all have birthdays on the ninth. Jan. 9th, Aug. 9th, and Aug. 29th.

14. TV, Radio, and Music personalities I have crushes on: George Strombou….., the character Jim from The Office, Jhian Ghomeshi, and Stephen Christian (Anberlin).

15. My first kiss was in kindergarten, by a boy named Jamie Anderson. He wanted me to French kiss him (I didn't). EWWWwwww.

16. Places I would like to live: Korea, Japan, NYC, Paris, San Francisco (Valley), British Colombia, Halifax.

17. I’m an ice-cream connoisseur. Top brands: B&J’s, Ed’s Ice-cream (Beaches), Slicker’s (Picton), Dairy-Queen, Giradelli Sundaes (San Fran, Down Town Disney), Soft Serve from that Place in Belleville, Kawartha Lake’s Dairy (Bancroft), some place on College that makes their own, Hollywood Gelato (Younge and Eglinton).

18. I wrote this in celebration of mid-terms ending. It was something frivolous to do.

19. When I was a pre-teen I wanted to be a dancer on Electric Circus.

20. I can tell what type of personality a person has by the type of handshake they give me. I can also tell a lot about a person by the type of hug they give me ie: the molesting hug.

21. I’m a bit of a snoop:). I have this odd curiosity of looking in people’s bathroom cupboards.

22. One day I’d like to spend a good 7 or 8 hundred dollars, and rent a hot Ferrari or some other hot car like that for a day.

23. When I was 10 or 11 I wrote Donny Walhberg of New Kids On The Block a love letter. I told him about how great I was domestically. I’ve often wondered if after they washed up they took the time to read their fan mail? I’ve imagine Donny all old and wrinkled showing up on my door-step proposing to me. CREEPY!

24. If I like a guy I will never tell him. (Yes, Mike i stole that from your sister's list).

25. It really annoys me when my mom passes me the phone to talk to a relative when I don’t feel like talking to them.

Pure Art! J'adore

2009-02-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

New music to jam out to, the vid kind of has a Warhol factory feel to it.

Some guys just have awsome nunchuck skills.

2009-02-06T14:49:00.001-08:00

Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pong with Nunchuks - Celebrity bloopers here

My comp has a virus

2009-01-30T08:18:00.000-08:00

Does anyone have some spare time to work with me on this?

Dear Diary/Blog

2009-01-26T16:42:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since I got personal or deep on here annnd I feel the itch to do so again. My cousin Brittany gave me the book "A Complicated Kindness" by Canadian author Miriam Toews. My brief review of the book is that it seems like if you want to become a famous Canadian female writer you have to write fiction that is dark. Toews does such a good job at writing a dark book that I became depressed everytime I was in the process of reading it. Yet, I read on because Britt got it for me, and said that the reason she got it for me was because of my own faith situation.

The story is set in the seventies and the main character is part of a tight knit Manitoba mennonite community. Here is an excerpt where she expresses her displeasure with her faith community that echos with my own thoughts and feeelings.

He wanted me to define specifically what it was about the world that I wanted to experience. Smoking, drinking, writhing on a dance floor to the Rolling Stones? Not exactly, I told him, although I did think highly of Exile on Main Street. Then what? he kept asking me. Crime, drugs, promiscuity? No, I said, that wasn’t it either. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I ended up saying stupid stuff like I just want to be myself, I just want to do things without wondering if they're a sin or not. I want to be free. I want to know what it’s like to be forgiven by another human being (I was stoned, obviously) and not have to wait around all my life anxiously wondering if I’m an okay person or not and having to die to find out.
I wanted to experience goodness and humanity outside of any religious framework. I remember making finger quotations in the air when I said religious framework. God, I’m an asshole. I told him that if I heard one more person say it wasn’t up to him or her to judge, it was up to God, while, at the same time, they were judging their freakin' heads off every minute of every day (I mean basically they had judged that the entire world was evil) I would put a sawed-off .22 in my mouth and pull the trigger.

I told him I didn’t know what the big deal was about eternal life anyway. It seemed creepy to want to live forever. And that’s when he threw me out. I’m not saying he was wrong or anything, I just couldn’t ever figure out what was going on. It seemed like we were in some kind of absurd avant-garde theatre, the way our conversations sometimes went.

I've come from a tight knit faith community, and I'm frustrated with the confines of it. I want to just be normal, thats all. The background I come from is brethren, it was open but still rigid. My friend Dave, on the other hand came to the open brethren community from one that was closed. This was a community similiar to that of the Mennonite one in A.C.K.. I've heard stories about it, and how the women were treated like crap, and people either follow rigidly or rebel glamoursly. So Dave if your reading this, you may want to take a gander at "A Complicated Kindness".

Oh and PS, my roomie who is from Manitoba is from a mennonite community, and has friends who are related to the author Miriam Toews.

Romantically speaking I am finding myself attracted to someone I've tried to get over because I know that their isn't an interest on his end. When I first met him I wasn't that interested in him, he seemed too pretentious, but after talking with him.....I realized that their was more to him than meets the eye. He's intelligent, witty, and genuine. He thinks about things and he can read people really well. I like that he is empathetic, and compassionate...but I know to him I'm just a friend. Plus I think I might just like him because I like the chase just as much as any other guy does.
I swear I'm a fool. I have two guys who are interested in me, and I'm not interested back. Both very good men, but ya, not interested.

Finally Some Spiritualiyt I can believe in and relate to.

2009-01-13T19:52:00.001-08:00

Dear God

PS I found this link care of Bryn.

Just 2 Guys

2009-01-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

This goes out to all the loner awkward guys.

"Is this Hooters or Hieffers?"

2009-01-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favourite Mad TV Skits!

Funny<--- Coralie taught me how to embed vids, hurray!!!

2009-01-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

How do you recover from this???

Real or not real???

Definetly fake but worth the watch.

Internet Lingo Scrabble

2009-01-01T08:55:00.000-08:00

Over the holidays I played scrabble with my mom's side of the family. I suck at scrabble!
My cousin Ryan asked if he could play if he used the word 'testicle' to win. Apparently in the past he used this word and won against my grandma and other language proficient aunts and uncles.
Half way through Ryan and I realized we were horrible at the game and that we could probably kick some scrabble ass if it was text message or internet chat lingo. Like, brb, lol, or tomo, all those abreviations that one uses to type fast or out of pure laziness.
Oh, oh, oh, guess what I just learned what <3 means. I always though that it was the math equation greater than three. For example 'that band is greater than three.' This never made sense to me and though the trend started from some math genuis, and I've been too embarrassed to ask what it does indeed mean. Apparently its and awkward sideways internet heart! Bahahhaha, I think this is hilarious! Oh, man I'm such a nut-bar!

Rejected

2008-12-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

Fakebook Story: Adrienne just wants to curle up in internet-land and not come out again.

Hurt: is the word of for the night.

Fear of Rejection

2008-12-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl I wanted to be friends with one of my classmates named Melissa. I use to try so hard to be her friend with no success. I would ask her to come to my house and she would reject me. I would go home and cry to my mom about how much I wanted to be Melissa's friend.

Now, when ever I ask someone to do something and they can't, I feel like they are rejecting me. Even though they have a valid reason for not hanging out with me.

I need to remember that people are not rejecting me but that they have schedules of they're own. Plus I have been one who has rejected people before too, I am not blameless to this situation. Sometimes you just don't want to be close friends with certain people.

Thee Most Emotionally Gripping Movie Ever!

2008-12-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

I almost foregot it had subtitles. After the Wedding, hint it does not centre around the wedding. I loved that it was a story with emotion rather than the redundant emotional romance.

Russel Peters Quote

2008-12-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

"You can't do gang signs to a deaf person. They'll be like, that guy stutters."

Love it!

This is the most touching video clip I have ever seen!

2008-11-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

Maybe you've seen this but I saw this for the first time last night and started tearing up. It didn't help that Whitney is the accompaniment music.

It reminded me of when I would see Jasper after being away from home for a long time. He use to jump up on my leg and hug it, and then he would nuzzle my kneck in un-controllable affection.

BAMMMM brain fart of the week

2008-11-25T16:29:00.000-08:00

Dear North America, guns don't equal violence.
Stop trying to blame violence on inanimate objects. Start blaming it on a faulty system that increases poverty, due to policies that build fences to divide people between rich and poor, black and white, educated and uneducated, first nations and white.
Our system is a faulty system that keeps people in un-healthy situations because no one is willing to change the policies that keep them that way.

No one is willing to change the rate of minimuim wage.

No one is willing to change the way that welfare works.

No one is willing to re-vamp the criminal justice system.

No one is willing to change foriegn policy.

No one is willing to change Native policy.

People are hesitant to try alternative sources of energy.

The drug companies control medical care and food production.

This is hilarious

2008-11-23T08:13:00.000-08:00

Yeh, guitar hero!
Hawk's entrance is seamless....literally!

Go in your room please......

2008-11-18T16:35:00.000-08:00

So my flat-mate is currently practicing her french horn in the room adjacent to our living room, and lets just say I'm a wee bit annoyed! Piano is okay, but the horn is extremly annoying. I have my headphones on with the music cranked!

Isn't Part of the Couple's Club

2008-11-10T07:52:00.000-08:00

I'm okay with hanging out with couples, I'm use to it, but some couples make me want to puke!
I can't stand when couples decide to hang out with each other just because they are couples, not necessarily because they have anything in common with one another other than the fact that they are married. Last night I tried to hang out with some new couple friends because I wanted to get to know them more. I thought that maybe we would invite some other people to chill with as well. Wellllll, cool couple number one invited pukey clingy couple number two, annnnd they invited single neutral guy to come hang out with us as well. So I really wanted to get to know cool wife but unfortunately clingy wife got to sit beside her and I didn't get to talk to her all night! I was totally bumbed! I ended up talking with husbands which was fine until I asked clingy huband some questions.

A: So M how is life?
M: Life is great.
A: Why is it great?
M: Well work is really great and welllll I'm married.

I wanted to hurl!!!!! I seriously just wanted to punch him in the face! Or as my room-mate suggested cut off his wedding finger.
These two couples have been spending time together while I've been busy with school, I don't think I'll ever get to know cool couple better:(. When am I going to have time to have a social life? I really wanted to get to know cool wife because I felt like we had a lot in common but now I feel like that opportunity is lost.

Exotic, Hip, Romantic

2008-11-06T05:23:00.001-08:00

I must see the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

Facebook Story

2008-11-02T14:11:00.001-08:00

Adrienne has good intentions, just not always the means to follow through.

Facebook story-Adrienne is stressed.

2008-11-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

Guys I'm stressed=anxious
I don't feel confident about school, I don't feel confident that I'm going to get everything done on time.
I need help.
I ditched fakebook so I wouldn't spend as much time on it as I have been. I got my flatmate to change my password for me so that I wouldn't be able to sign in anymore and so that I wouldn't have to completly lose all of my friend and start all over after I reactivated my account.

I've brocken out in acne and my shoulders keep shrugging upwards with tension. I have to keep reminding myself to relax my shoulders and to breath.

Rain drops keep falling on my head=Study break

2008-10-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog God

2008-10-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

Where are my twenties going?

Jasper is gone.

2008-08-25T13:40:00.001-07:00

About an hour ago my family and I did one of the hardest things ever, we put our 15 year old family pet down. Jasper was a great addition to our family. Dad was mad at first when we brought a dog home after he had specifically said no dogs. With time dad began to love him just as much as mom and I. With every choice their is always a consequence to consider, no matter whether we make good or bad decisions their are pros and cons to each. Dogs live a long time and they love unconditionally but they do not out last humans and so death comes quickly. I do not regret putting Jasper to sleep because he wasn't eating and this bowels and urinary tract were not co-operating.
The vet came to our house, dad and I restrained Jasper while he gently fell to sleep, mom and I wailed in anguish.
Good bye Jaspter, I loved you dearly and you loved me sweetly and innocently

Favourite Things and Scatters of my Brain

2008-07-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Boys my age who are way too afraid to make a move:(. Buddy if I ask you to do something that usually means if you ask me out I'll say yes.

Boys not my age with pretty smiles, nice physiques but way below my age. Adrienne has to keep slapping her own hand when ever she sees the nice nineteen/twenty year old life guard at her work. Bad Adrienne, bad Adrienne. Its so much easier to approach boys who are much younger than me, ahhhh I do not want to become a cougar and honestly I don't want a boy.

"The Dark Knight" blew my mind, I don't have one negative thing to say about it. Thank goodness Marvel didn't have its fingers dug too deeply into this one. Heath Ledger has left a legacy in this last movie.

Song of the summer of 2008, "American Boy" by Estelle feat. Kanye.

Finally an R&B vocalist I feel deserves my cash, she may have Kanye on her album but she is definetly full of drive and talent.

Adrienne wishes she could attract men that were in her age bracket.....

2008-06-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

So it seems that teenage boys are attracted to me more than men within my age bracket.

Setting: Current place of employment

Teenage boy checks 27 year old Adrienne out and then comments to his mother: I want to get a job here.

Mother in patronizing tone: Oh no you don't.

To be continued with more stories about teenage boys.

Adrienne really WANTsED

2008-06-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

to see WANTED

My Education and Vulnerability

2008-05-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

I decided to follow Mr. Tom Froese's example and post a photo essay. The following are some pictures I took randomly through out the year which relate to my 'second' post secondary experience, this time at a real secular university. Also because I didn't really allow myself to truly blog because I made on my studies the higher priority. Here is a journal entry from my literary class. So enjoy my candid thoughts and shots.

Jan. 2nd 2008
Dear Professor Argyle,
I greatly enjoyed reading Tonio Krueger because, in true Adrienne style, I started relating Tonio’s experiences and contemplative thoughts to my own life. Like Tonio, I have always found myself somewhat of an outsider. However, unlike Tonio, my features and name didn’t pin me as an outsider. I am like Tonio in that I do have some similar personality traits and characteristics. For instance, I was and still am a day dreamer, an Anne of Green Gables type of girl in that I am romantic to the very core. I always thought that people did not really like me because they thought that I wasn’t very smart or because of my religious beliefs, but now I see that like Tonio, I was a sensitive spirit. A girl full of passion and compassion, a sensitive and deeply feeling type of person. I can relate to Tonio’s desire to be friends with the popular, good looking Hans because for almost all of my elementary school years, I had wanted to be friends with a girl who was, in my opinion, “the prettiest girl in my class”. All of the little boys had crushes on her and I had a friend-crush on her as well. I wanted to be like her and to look like her. I would come home from school and cry to my mom about the fact that I just wanted to be her friend, and yet she didn’t really want to be my friend. I tried to grow my hair to be as long as hers and I wore my hair in pigtails, just like hers. I invited her over numerous times to play at my house, but each time she rejected me.
Even in high school, I had a hard time fitting in. I had a few good friends, but it seemed I was unable to really make lasting relationships outside of that sphere of friends. I tried to conform through wearing the right clothes, listening to certain types of music and still I could not fully integrate into the rest of the high school crowd. I’ve come to accept the fact that I will never really “fit in”; I’ll never have a big group of friends to hang out with and know for years and years. As much as I fight the solitude, I embrace it as well. It is that space where I step back and observe things, specifically the way the world around me is shaped. In observing the world, I take something from it and make it mine. I see the wide open expanses of life around me. In conclusion, I see that my personality parallels Tonio’s because I realize that however sensitive I am, it is the layers of hurt and loneliness that have caused me to dig deep within myself and have made me a richer more colourful person. Without my struggles and heart breaks, I would not be who I am now. I feel that those things have enriched me and given deeper layers to my personality.

I went to Starbucks to study one day. I thought I would take advantage of the internet access they have, upon arriving I realized that I had to pay for it. Boo on corporate Starbucks:{. This was my view from the cushy mocha coloured chair I was sitting in.

My local Starbucks allows this homeless man to sleep during the day at the same table everyday. They give him free drinks and allow him to park his shopping cart out front with its many LCBO bags dangling from it. He doesn't smell and he is quite sociable with the many patrons. He seems fairly intelligent and it makes me wonder how or why he is on the street.
Procrastinating with my camera by my heater vent. Yeh, cool affects.

My beautiful campus at the beginning of October.

As usual the Christian clubs on campus made me disgusted by their advertising. Anyone looking at this poster would think that we Christian people think that our God is better than the others. Oh, I dunno its just plain bad advertising. Ya, God's pretty super but not like some super hero who is going to take away all your problems. Bleh, I just don't like religious clubs or clubs in general they just seem so exclusive.

Some people say that York is ugly but I like the ultra modern 60s style concrete and glass buildings. They may have a cold feeling but I feel so small beside them that it makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger on the York campus. I'm part of the student body of thee York university!

Studieing in the dance building.

Me procrastinating. I hate this shot because it shows every flaw on my skin. I was very anxious at the beginning of the year and my skin (like a mood ring) tells me how I'm feeling through acne and eczema. I thought that I would post it just to get over my vanity.
This has to be the most low-fi sign the city could have paid for. I thought it was hilarious and deserved being posted here.
This was my awsome room. I like how my lamp illuminates the whole shelf.
This is the house that I lived in. It was a great place to live but unfortunately circumstances beyond my control have forced me to leave. I still get to live in the same beautiful area on a street only a block away.

When I feel most like myself.....

2008-05-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

You know how they say that alcohol brings out what people are really like, (insert questioning knowing tone) you know , the part that they hide from the general public. Well when I dance I feel like myself the most. I love dancing myself into a trance! When I use to be part of a charismatic youth group we use to have the most awsome musical worship sessions! I would dance and dance and dance until I put myself into a trance like state. Those were some of the most intense spiritual experiences I have ever had. I miss dancing.

This Summer I want to go out with some friends dancing. Who wants to come with me.

Current favourite iTunes DL, M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" on the album Kala. Nothing like a little female gangsta gorrilla music. I have actions to the song:). They include gun cocking motions. GIRL POWAH!

The Hour

2008-04-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Recently some school friends and I went to a live tapeing(sp?) of George Strombou's show The Hour. It was really fun, he interviewed Moby (who happens to be rather Crass) and I won a book. George was nice enough to pose for a picture.

Original Thought

2008-04-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

A clean bathroom is like a bed with fresh sheets on it.

I'm Lazy Heres a Movie

2008-04-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

Hey I'm a romantic and this actually looks like a decent love story. The main character probably dies in the end so it will be somewhat realistic. Plus they use The Stars music in the trailer.

Jack and Jill vs. The World

My New Favourite Comedian

2008-03-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

Russel Peters

Check out his "Indian Accent" clip and his "Beat Your Kids"

Sooooo funny!

I Don't Need A Drug Trip to Have My Senses Hieghtened

2008-03-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

Screw E, and just wait for good o'l aunt Flo to come and visit. Dude I swear my emotions are magnified to unbearability(is that a word?). Right now I just don't want to feel anymore! Everything just seems so dramatic!

iTunes is Dangerous......for me!

2008-02-29T18:58:00.001-08:00

So I decided to take a risk and download iTunes onto my computer. All of a sudden I have access to a whole bunch of cheap music. The danger is that it doesn't really feel like I'm actually buying anything because I don't have anything solid in my hands, all I have to do is click click click and bam its added to my credit card!

First album I bought was Shad's "The Old Prince", to balance out my melancholic music selection. Current favourite song "Brother (Watching)", and favourite quote "grow some gonads and get some back bone". Don't usually like hip-hop or Christian music for that matter but he definetly breaks the mold of both. Plus bonus he's Canadian aaaannnnd I have numerous friends and acquaintences who are friends with him so its almost like I know him;).

Second album I bought was the incredible Stars' "In Our Bedroom After the War". Favourite songs on the album are "Personal", I think the lyrics are really creative and Amy Milan has such a soulful way of singing the words and making them her own. "The Beginning After the End", this song must be played on proper speakers with the volume turned up! The bass is amazing!

Second album is the new band Vampire Weekend, they are pretty good, not my favourite and a little bit of an impulse buy. They are happy music so I have something to bob my head to.

Okay back to the Literary paper.

This Road is Paved with Good Intentions

2008-02-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

I splurged today, I didn't want to do the Anthro paper so instead I procrastinated for over two hours now. Tomorrows a new day.

Life Reflections:
~I am only ordinary.
~Control freak
~Back Stabber
~Prideful
~Joy taker
~Single (by choice and yet not by choice)
~Being vulnerable with someone is a risk you take. I'll just have to risk it again with someone else who isn't quite as hormonal.

Buying those new clothes today didn't make me feel better

Last Post for Awhile

2008-01-30T17:09:00.000-08:00

Hey my favourite blog readers,

Its time for me to say good-bye for a little while. I'm not breaking up with you I just need a break okay;). I've been procrastinating too much and its gotten a little ridiculous with how much time I spend on here. So for a little while I'm going to be only using the internet for e/mail and school stuff. I'm a tactile person who loves to click click click with her fingers and read useless information.

Before I sign off I just want to encourage you to SMILE at the hopeless people on the side walks of our dirty down-towns. That man who smells and that women with the horrible teeth who ask for money or are speaking louder than necessary, look them in the eye and smile a hello to them or "I'm sorry I don't have change to spare". Let them know that you acknowledge them as a human being. You'll be surprised at the return responses you get.

If you want to read something check out this old blog of mine and if you need to laugh or you need some pointers on picking up chicks head over to this blog and this blog and this blog and this blog of my friend Ron's. Trust me you won't regret reading his blog, he is one cockey boy!

Last Post for Jan

2008-01-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

I've been going blog crazy lately and now its time to stop blogging for January.

Before I go listen to This. Its is the best of both music worlds! The Hood Internet has given djing a new twist. Its not just intertwining two songs together as one moves over for the other but combining the two together to make one kick ass mix. I love it when they take two opposing styles and marry them to one another. So good! I especially like this one and this one and this one and of course this one!

Mr. RonASmith.com I think you'll like this a lot! Joh I think you'll like this as well.

Okay back to reading for school:(. Catcher in the Rye is not that great, I was really hopeing it would be a gooder.

Meanderings

2008-01-13T19:22:00.001-08:00

Last weekend I worked a double shift at work=16hours. My co-worker and friend was pissed at me for confusing a shift so instead of her being ticked at me I took a shift of hers which meant I worked way too many hours. I figured it would be better for me to be disgruntle toward her than her to be upset with me. I explained my rotten situation to my friend Galen and she said that maybe God would bless me at work in a way I wouldn't expect.
He did! At the end of my shift I had some time to kill. So I sat down with some of the residents(I work at a refugee shelter) and watched some TV. One of the little girls sat on my lap. She started petting my bright blond hair. And I asked her if it was soft, she nodded her head. She then gently kissed each side of my tresses and then crawled all over me. I tickled her and bounced her on my leg as she squealed with glee "I'm a monkey!". And that was the blessing God gave me.
Thank You God

Happy Birthday to ME!!!! I'm 27!?!?!!!!

2008-01-09T20:45:00.000-08:00

This is a picture I took of myself this morning just after I woke up. Its pretty daring because I don't have any makeup on. Its the pasty, chapped lip, zits Adrienne. I hate Winter for this very reason. So this is me trying to be real on the internet.

My small group thought I was turning 23-25ish! Ya I don't feel 27! When did that happen?

I had my Living Room (small group) for dinner and mom & dad sent me a gift. They gave me an Anne Geddes book. Don't quite know what to do with it because it isn't quite my cup of tea but in true mom style she wrote in it so I would have to keep it:(. Ya, she actually writes in the books and on things she gives me so that I don't return them. My theory on gifts is that if you truly know the person you will give them something they like. Otherwise you don't know them at all. On the other hand Jeff and Cindy gave me a gift cert to a music store, very happy about that! Yeah music!

Christmas is fun but not restfull

2008-01-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

Here are some fun pictures from Christmas time. Enjoy:).

Brittany and I slept together at Aunty Liz's! It was very fun but not a very restful sleep for me:). I'm not use to having another body next to me. After I came in from brushing my teeth I caught her texting a boy while she was in bed. Hee-hee.

Brittany and I decided to wake up Ryan on Christmas day. This resulted in Brittany getting punched in the nose as Ryan blindly swung his arms to deflect our rambuncious excitement towake him. I think he looks like a grumpy old man in the one picture. I tried to play peek-a-boo with Hannah on her parent's bed.......she didn't know quite what to think about that as you can see by the quizzical look on her face. This is a classic Hannah face.

I bulked up on dried apples, dried mangoes, nuts, oriental rice mix and yogurt cover raisins at the Bulk Barn while I was home. I also bough Jam some semi natural gummy bears. I miss my beloved Bulk Barn, it has to be the greatest store idea ever! I especially love the spice area! The closest one to me here is 45 mins:(. I wrote them and asked if they would consider building one closer to me....you think I'm kidding right? Well I'm not!

Some wierd dude(Tom) at a party trying to eat a heart? I'm in the background.

Is it an illusion?

2008-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

What if all that I desire is simply smoke and mirrors which I have created in my head? A fantasy I dreamed and then blew into another unsuspecting human form?

PS Luvbeat is something I've been checking out lately. I can't tell if its a spoof or for real. I like it though. Plus once again they come from Texas, what is this, when did Texas become cool?

Continuation of Confession #2 Online Dateing the Trilogy Continued

2007-12-29T18:07:00.001-08:00

This is a continuation from this post and this post. Read or browse before reading this current post. So after I wrote my release post in order to let go of Mr. Internet Man last February I went to check my myspace account. Low and behold he had written me after two months of respectful silence. He said that he was coming to Sdot for our mutual connections wedding and if I would meet him. He said that he wasn't trying to 'reignite any embers that had died". I responded that I wanted to meet him and had been praying that some day I would meet him. The problem was that the wedding was not until August!

The wait was torture but I endured. I contacted him in June just to say hello and see how he was doing. Really it was just to let him know i still remembered he would be coming to Sdot. He wrote back saying he would be coming soon and I wrote back "so whats the game plan". We talked about dates and such.

Time began to inch closer, I prayed for beautiful weather and that we would have a good amount of time to get acquainted with each other. God answered my prayer with the most gorgeous day. I took him down to the river and the beach. Unfortunately he forgot to bring his swim suit so we weren't able to swim, I was very disappointed about that. We got fries under the bridge (a local tradition) and ate ice-cream together. The day ended with his suggestion of swinging on swings at the near by park, which I heartily agreed to. We ate ice-cream and swung on the swings. We both sat and drank in the beauty of the sun filtering through the trees and it was a moment of peace and contentment. I broke the silence by saying "I'm glad I met you" and he responded with an incredulous "why". I told him "because now I have closure" he met this response with silence but in that silence I sensed hurt. My friend Galen says that he was probably hurt because he probably had an a slight hope for more in the back of his mind. Yet, for me their was no romantic connection, he just seemed like a cousin to me. As if I was hanging out with my cousin Ryan. He was just as kind and gentle as I had thought he was on the phone. He is a beautiful person. I questioned him as to why he had gone cold on me in the Winter and still he did not feel comfortable with telling me. I'm okay with it though. He is moving to Portland for art school and I moved to Toronto for University.

His name is Cameron Stewart, he is wise and contemplative. I wish him the best and I hope he meets the woman of his dreams because he deserves her.

EMO education

2007-11-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep, I went on youtube.
Sorry I don't know how to display videos properly.
If you have over 20 mins watch "How to be EMO" . The nerd dudes that made this video confused emo with straight edge.

If you have a less than ten minutes check out "What is Emo", their are emo boys all over the world.
"Boys wear girls trousers and tight shirts."
"Just a drop of goth tears"

Love it!

I want to be pretty

2007-11-18T19:35:00.000-08:00

I've been told that I'm beautiful but I want to know that I'm aesthetically pleasing. Men in Toronto are much more expressive about telling a women that she is beautiful butttttt.....I know they just think I'm sweet and perky.
One slightly enebreated(I like this word) man told me I was pretty but ended it with girl, "pretty girl". Thus negating the pretty part all together by referring to me as a pretty GIRL. Not a pretty women.

I've been comtemplating my beauty a lot lately and I feel that being inundated by many adverts has distorted my understanding of beauty drastically(okay not just ads but many other things). I want to find my unique beauty for myself...... does any woman truly find this......does any human ever find this?

Am I pretty?

PS one day I want buy some random T-shirts and sponge on some random words I really like. Maybe I'll make a line and call them scrabble shirts? Now someone will steal my idea because I posted it on the WWW. Okay back to the dreaded paper.

Connect the Rock Block

2007-11-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

My favourite radio station in London has a contest called connect the rock block where callers have to call in and guess how three songs are connected to each other. Well I want to play that game with you reader. So you have to connect the rock block of these three bands who as of late I have been listening to.

Eisley

I can't say enough about this band and I don't know why I haven't found them up until now! I lived 20 mins from where they hail and they are a Christian band. However I have heard whispers of them in my social circles but have never actually been able to grace my ears with they're beautiful music. If I was a guy I would definelty have a crush on the girls in this band, they are beautifully etherial and bohemian in look and stature. Plus all the band members are related to each other, they all have the last name DuPree sooooo..... they are either siblings or siblings and cousins. I'd say they are Christian musics best kept indie band secret, I had no idea they were Christian when I found them. You'd think I would have heard them at C-stone, since they have been around since 1997. Current fave songs on this CD are Sight to Behold and Combinations. These girls have the most haunting voices, full of melodious soft notes that cast a spell on the listener!

<---Family Force 5

I love this band! They are hilarious! Unfortunately they are under the command of the former member of DCTalk, T-Mac but hey Relient K is under Gotee records and they have still kept things fresh.

This band has a frenetic energy and kind of remind me of what TFK use to be like before they were swayed to loose the rap-rock attitude and aim for the more melodic emo style that was popular at the begin of the 000's and is slowly fading away. These boys surprisingly hail from the South. I know they are a teeny bopper band but sometimes I need something to balance out the melancholic music I usually gravitate to.
They also dabble with film a little bit and have the mose hilarious music video's. The video I like the most is for Kountry Gentleman, the best part is the fight scene where they whip out combs and use them as pseudo switch blades to try and brush each others hair. Very Funny!

They have a fashion style reminiscent to a band a lot of my American friends use to like called Skillet(to the right). Skillet, consists of horrible poppy music that reminds me of drinking a can of pink crush when what I really want is a can of Vanilla Coke! Grosse! FF5 is definetly the Vanilla Coke I crave.

Iron and Wine

I've known about Sam Bean's little musical get-up for awhile but still haven't bought a CD. Beautiful acoustic guitar paired with rich male vocals, def some cool chill music.

They all hail from the dirty south of Texas!

Conversation with God

2007-11-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

I asked God a question recently that I've asked Him many times before.
Usually he answers this question with "soon". But then I got angry with Him when he kept giving me that answer and it never happened "soon". I told him I didn't want to hear that answer anymore.
This time when I asked He answered with "Its not the right time". This answer still has me quite ansy but not as angry, its still an ambiguous answer for a concrete systematic human.
Oh God you are hilarious! I know its not the right time but....WHEN???????

Sometimes I Feel Like God is like my Parents

2007-10-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

He/they may have created me but they don't understand me.

He/they don't understand my innermost struggles and greatest desires.

He/they hear me but don't comprehend me.

He/they don't understand my desire for financial autonomy and the hell I have gone through to try and achieve it.

Me me me me me, I know its all about me. But I am a generous me and without the financial autonomy I can't be that side of me. I would rather spend on others than myself......kind of like my father. Sometimes I think we don't feel worthy or that its right to spend on ourselves.

I'm better than you.....I hate condescending people!

2007-10-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

As of late I have come in contact with a couple people who seem to exemplify the persona of the Condescender.

Its hard to pin down because you know that 'apparently'they have the 'best' interests in their arguements for the improvement of others but then they begin to lecture and lecture and lecture..... And then you just want to punch them in the face.

Or they say snide insinuating remarks that are not affirming at all! Like ya I think next time you could do this better or next time can you do this instead of that. Or little belittleing comments that don't seem like much but then they begin to pile up and pile up and become this big mamoth red hot iron that brands the person(s) they are referring to as a slab of "your not that special to me" jargon. And I'm more interested in what you could be than what you are.

In our Christian culture we are always trying to improve ourselves or help others improve who they are. Well I suggest that we start AFFIRMING others more! Lets build them up instead of tearing them down.

I know that these Condescenders have insecurity issues with themselves and that is why they are the way that they are but it is still no excuse for such jevenile behaviour. Get over yourselves already! If only I could scream that at such a persons face.

Dear Blog God

2007-10-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like everything is out of my control......and it is. Help me to surrender it to you.

A Must See Movie!

2007-10-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

Be Kind Rewind

This looks hilarious! Who wants to see it with me?!?

Know me!

2007-09-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

When I am getting to know people I ask them a lot of questions. I can always tell if they are not interested in me or are self centred if in return they do not ask me any questions about who I am.

If you want to know me then ask me questions about myself.

My First Kiss

2007-09-13T12:08:00.001-07:00

Was in kindergarten. Their was a boy by the name of Jamie Anderson, he had bright blue eyes and sandy blond hair that had the most prominent cow licks I have ever seen in my life! I didn’t think much of Jamie. In fact I had a naïve crush on Ryan Lyndsay but Ryan liked Melissa Hillmann. Ryan liked Melissa so much that when I caught up with him 2 years ago he was sad that Melissa hadn’t waited for him and gone and married another guy. Buddy you didn’t even pay attention to her in high school!?!
Jamie lived behind my friends the Habiebes (they were from Iraq), one day while I was visiting the Habiebes I went over to his house to play. At the time he was playing a kissing game with some other girl and asked me if I wanted to play. I didn’t really say that I did but somehow he got the impression I wanted to. When it came time to kiss him I just kind of stood their deliberating about whether to do it or not and then he got the other girl to demonstrate for me how to do it. I relented and kissed him a couple times. The other little girl and I took turns kissing him. Jamie then wanted me to go a step further and French kiss him. I wasn’t too sure about how to do that so he explained that you put your tongue in the other persons mouth. I didn’t want to do it but Jamie got the other little girl to demonstrate for me. I tried but could not bring myself to do it. No matter how much Jamie tried to coax me to French kiss him I couldn’t do it.
And that is the story of my first kiss. I started young, it was more about curiosity than enjoyment.

Swinging on the Swing Set

2007-08-03T07:11:00.001-07:00

This past weekend my cousin Brittany and I took our younger cousin Lukas from Germany to Canada's Wonderland. The night before we went for a walk and showed him the University of Guelph. On the way back we stopped at the park. I saw the swing set and started swinging on one of he swings. Brittany soon joined me and asked Lukas if he wanted to swing. He staunchly refused saying it was too childish. This coming from a boy who is 10 years younger than me.
As we swung I felt this bubble of laughter come out of the depths of my soul. A laughter I forgot I had because it was a long time since I had used it. Britt and I hooped and hollered as we pumped our legs to go higher and higher into the humid night air that surrounded us and tried to touch the full orange moon that looked down on us. Thier was something about swinging on swings and being around precious Brittany that reminded me once again who I am. I am the free spirited, brutally honest, laugh machine Adrienne and I love it! I guess sometimes you lose yourself and you just need someone who knows and cares for you to help you find it again. I hadn't realized the saddness that had so deeply enveloped me until that night. Mom and Joh had said they had sensed a saddness about me but I just thought they didn't know how to take my quiet disposition. I think what they really meant was that they hadn't heard my laughter in awhile.

Currently Bleeding

2007-07-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today was an emotionally ravaging day. It involved a letter and one major phone call. Reality is such a Bitch! Sometimes I just want to hide away in my room playing on the internet in my little cyber world for hours so that I do not have to face people.
I think that I really suck at this whole friend thing. I don't think I know how to be a friend anymore or how to be social. Its so much easier to wrap myself up into a cacoon filled with layers of introversion than to try over and over again to form relationships. Nothing is for sure! NOTHING! Everything is disposable and can be replaced and apparently that includes me.

I hate Blogger! I have nothing to hate right now so today I will hate this piece of shit!

Completly Shallow

2007-07-22T20:01:00.000-07:00

Most of my posts on this blog haven't been that deep. I'm getting kind of lazy at blogging and I'm kind of scared of some people reading my thoughts. People I don't know or know really well but would prefer they do not see the more vulnerable side of myself I let blead all over the internet. So here comes the most shallow blog I'll probably ever post on here. It is my top male actor picks.

Currently in the #1 spot is Dave Krasinski of the hit TV series The Office. I love the looks that he gives the mock cameras on the show. I think he is a cute innocent looking guy.....a guy I wouldn't mind spending a day with just hanging out with and driving around town aimlessly killing time. Your boy next door type of boy. I like how his character waits around for his co-worker to break it off with her dead beat fiance......Jim ya gotta be a little more bold (I'm still getting throught the second series. I'm on disc 2).

Mark Ruffalo is def a fave! I adore his brown teddy bear eyes! I like his gentleness, their is a sincerity in his countenance. Ya, I like him!

George Stromolop....???? I don't how to spell his last name but dude this guy is hot! Sporting bad boy with intelect, piercings, tatoos and a big ass belt. Ya, I like the rebels who know how to think. Bonus he is a Canadian!!!!

Ioan Gruffud sigh......come on he was in the BBC TV series Horatio Hornblower. He combines gentleman with hero. With a predisposition to do the right thing at the right time. Love those pensive sunken eyes, pronounced nose and beautiful cleft in his chin. So far all the roles I have seen him in he has been a perpetual do gooder who displays alpha male leadership traits. I like that!

Oh my goodness I love a good o'l skinny goofy guy to make me laugh. These two guys remind me of two other guys I know that make me crack up. It is the fact that they can't keep a straight face for long before they start giggling like school girls. Jimmy Fallon and Topher Grace are the Hollywood versions of Caleb Teeple and Reg Lewickie.

Jimmy is just a big kid. And Topher knows how to work the dramatic pauses and quick wit sarcastic comments.

Jake Jake Jake. What can I say I'm attracted to his masculinity and versatility. He has acted in a million roles from a boy confined to a bubble to a gay cow boy. I like that he is daring and yet adds debth to his roles. Although I was surprised to see that some of his pictures were quite vain as he revealed his 'athletic' physique.

Lastly I like Matt Damon. I think its because he adds an innocent side to his characters. I first encountered him in the movie The Firm with Danny DeVito. I liked how his character beat the crap out of Claire Dane's characer's abusive husband. It was a great scene because in the past his character had been abused by his dad when he was a boy so it was a double wammy......literally.

Oh and I like the voice of Vince Cannova of the Detroit radio station 89x. It is a combination of surfer dude and a burn out with a tad bit of rasp.

Current Project

2007-07-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

As a lot of you know I am a graphic T-shirt adict. I love buying shirts that have cool logos on them. I wear them until they have holes in them and the colour is not longer recognizable. I figured out a way to save my precious T-shirts, I'm going to make a quilt out of them. The above picture is the beginning of my little project. I've cut up my favourites and some of my old work & camp shirts and pieced them together. It was a little painful to cut up some of them but I made myself let go of them because they just looked so ridiculously old. I aim to have them all sewn together by the end of the Summer. I got a bolt of purple sweat shirt fabric for free off of Freecycle and I'm going to use that as the backing. I'm not too enthusiastic about sewing together but the process will help me to learn some patience. I'm sure that once I get it started I won't want to stop. I guess I want to post this so that I will be more accountable in getting my projects done (some how I think this sentence is gramatically incorrect....but I dunno how to fix it).

Anyway that is one of the things I am slowly working away on.

UnHealthy En Vogue

2007-06-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that it is the new fashion trend to have unhealthy body types on our run ways. Girls are waaaaay too thin buuuuttt........ I think a new trend it trying to make a break out. They want fat girls on the run ways. Oh Western hemisphere how you make me sick! So its cool to either be a skinny chick or a fat chick. Don't eat or eat excessive amounts of garbage.

How about healthy chicks? What about girls that try to eat healthy and be active. Not those mutated fitness girls because that is not natural or healthy. Lets have women who are toned but still have some extra layers. Or women who are active but don't exercise until they cry.

Lets just be healthy!

Hard Words To Say

2007-06-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

How do you say to someone you love very dearly that you want to see them whole not just simply happy. That you want more for them.

How?????? Someone please tell me because it is killing me with anxiety!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures and Pieces of Paper

2007-06-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my small city celebrated artwalk, it is our art festival that happens in the dirty downtown core. A few of my friends were venders. This is my little recap from it.

This is my beautiful fiery friend Sarah. She is a talented artist who likes to make funky jewelry. I love her dearly and think that she is an incredible person.

Nathan and Barry had a booth displaying their photos. This is one of the ones I really like of Barry's collection.

A pin I bought at art walk. I'm going to put it on my jacket next to the skull pin my aunties like so much;) I LOVE IT!

Katie and I were instant soul friends the moment we met....you know that person you meet and you can sense the instant connection. Well that was how we both felt when we met. She is an amazing artist and a good friend. Her and I both know how to observe our surroundings, we notice things other people don't.

I love this picture of Rachel and Nathan. The graphics add to the the joy and fun that eminate from them both. I ripped this piece of paper off of their sparkling peach juice bottles on the banquet tables. I like pop art!

The United Church is a little messed but they sure have some cool adds. I like that they are promoting spiritual contemplation. Its cool.

Whoa Back that Truck Up

2007-05-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Buddy from work is apparently barely legal (according to my books). Plus he said something very quickly in passing about a girlfriend. Looks like I'm good o'l Adrienne. Ah well, he wasn't exactly my type. Def some good qualities though.

So Rye pie (my cousin)wrote an update. He has such a child like faith right now. I thought that I would let you all read his update letter. If you thought I had bad grammar then just wait until you read his letter.

Hey guys well its been a while and i guess i should just email you all to say hey and tell you how cow town has been. its hard cause i never was one to send out updates when i was in NZ and now that its the same country i forget all the time and dont even think of it really.

so pretty sweet with the job that i got my boss is so rad. totally builds me and encourages me to move forward in the things that God has for me. the place that i am living in is epic my landlady is so cool and she takes me for rides on her motorcycle and i dont even hold on to anything haha i am crazy mouy loco amigo. so yeah works been good and the hours are sweet as. i am sure that my parents told you i bought a car its a sick 1981 BMW. i love it...like a diamond in the rough. oh yeah so i am going to be going to school in september i was accepted at mount royal college out here which is cool. and also i hooked up with a old DTS student who runs snowboarders for christ in calgary and starting next season will be leading that along side her and four others. so pray for that god gives direction. also total provision eh. kingdom finances and all that.

now for a more spiritual thing. the church i kinda go to is allright i dont mind it but just dont feel like i am filled but feel like God is keeping me there for now i go to other churches as well though where i get filled i found this sweet one the pastors are from South Africa pretty rad my friend knows them and said that they are super sweet as. and they are. its really cool though i have been meeting with some friends every saturday night in canmore and we get together and just party with jesus its so cool and God has revealed so much to me. so its really good. so yeah i think thats about it for now. but i figured that i should let you all know that cause you know your family. well talk to you later. God Bless Ryan.

The Hug

2007-05-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

He went out of his way to compliment me on how nice my hair looked one day.
Today he hugged me for no reason. I didn't flinch or pull away. It was a strong embrace. I liked it.

I sense his pleasure in me. Or am I just good o'l Adrienne....although I don't think I am.

So ask me out for Petes sake!

Tegan and Sarah Song

2007-05-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

"Where Does The Good Go"

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go

North America Is Over Educated!

2007-05-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

i don't want to go back to school! Yet I need a fall back and school is going to have to give me my fall back. It looks like I will have to spend my money on another degree but not just any degree, one that will give me a BA.
I hate this whole application process! No one is willing to expand on each step I must take except to lead me to more jargon I have to sort out and decifer. The reason I am going back to school is to be able to go to teachers college. I want to teach grade three....I think? I'm not 100% sure but I'm sure enough that I don't want to earn just above minimuim wage anymore. Lately I have one line going through my head which is 'I just want to kick somebodies ass!'. I have wondered why I have had that line running in my head but now as I am writing this post I think I know why. I feel like I have been cheated out of a hand of cards, as though I was tricked into spending lots of time and money on an education that didn't prep me for the reality of life.
People in third world countries barely get an elementary school education and yet we North Americans have two and three degrees worth of BS. Their is so much competition in our sphere of the earth for jobs that the bar gets set higher and higher unless.....you know someone who knows someone. Urrrggghhhh I just want to get my hands dirty and work in a decent career with a decent wage. Not one that forces me to be co-dependant on my parents. Sure min wage gets highered every year now but taxes get higher every year.
I think that jobs that require the most odd hours and dirtiest conditions should start getting wage increases. Those jobs are usually given to those who do not have the education to be in higher status positions.
Well I'm done my rant for now. Back to the tedious job of scrolling down pages and pages of uiversity shit that tells me something but nothing at the same time.

My Life Through Pictures.

2007-05-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Nathan and Rachel's wedding. I was only able to go to the reception part because I had a funeral in the morning. It was very fun! The reception was a pot-luck dinner which I was a little iffy about but it turned out wonderful! In fact I think I may do something like that. Everyone brough great food. The picture of the gigantic martini glasses are what the couple sipped Pepsi from. They are both Pepsi adicts. Yes, the glasses are actually that huge it isn't just the angle I took the picture on.
I took a ton of pictures of Natalie and Barry's kids. They make the best looking babies ever! They are are the sweetest kids too!

Charity had a shin dig at her house last week. She made us really great food! The high light for me was the ice-cream cake! Yummmy!
Darryl stole baby Parker away from Natalie and I loved watching them together. He literally danced all around the house with the little man. Too cute!
I had to get a shot of Joe and Sarah's beautiful little bella Ella. She is sooo sweet!

I had planned to go to Ottawa, Kingston, Guelph and Hamilton a couple weeks ago but ended up only being able to go Guelph. I wanted to keep up my relationships with my friends but my car died and then we had a death in the family so I only got to go and see my old camp friends Josh and September. They have a new adition to they're family. His name is Judah and he is such a sweet little baby.
I loved watching September and Josh interact together. September looked exhausted from being up with the cutie pie. It was great to see how Josh would step in and carry Judah so that September could take a break. They have a great new house. I have no doubt that they will have a great marraige and a great family. Josh is one of those guys that is hard not to like. He accepts everyone for who they are. September is the same way. They both have the greatest laugh! They are perfect for each other!

I found this picture of Brittany and I from way back to the play back. I was five and Britt must have been 6 months. My parents and I drove from Ontario out to BC. I love this picture of us.

Pictures of Dad when he was cool. Key word being was! Dad had the emo/beat nick thing going on when he was a teenager. I especially like his checkered pants. I think I got my funky style of dressing from him. Oh and no the girl in the picture is not my mom. She is some girl who liked to hide behind her hair in every picture I found of them together.
Dad looks kinda dreamy on the motorcycle.

Self Talk

2007-04-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Words of Wisdom

1. Their will always be someone better than you. Do the best that you can because you'll be better than someone else.

2. Sale isn't another word for Buy. Don't buy it unless you need it in the future ie:soap.

3. Dance your heart out!

My female singer/song writer hero Leslie Feist

I will buy every singe one of her CDs!

A Mish Mash of Thoughts

2007-04-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I am trying to only blog once a week so that I can stay in reality and not just in the internet community. So I have been thinking of tons of things to blog about but restricting myself in the use of the internet. That means I can't even edit my horrendous grammatical errors! Gahhhhh, that is torture!
Last time I wrote I forgot to tell you something about my fast that I found interesting. At the beginning of my fast I felt pretty good about it but then i realized I began to get bored more easily because I wasn't spending/wasting my time on the internet or watching movies. To fill my time I found myself going out and buying little doo dads that I wanted. Nothing super expensive but I really don't have a lot of money to be spending it on stuff. It isn't my fault entirely that I like things. My parents like stuff, we are frugle but we buy small things ie: dad likes to buy mom knick knacks as gifts and mom is always buying melittle things like ugly key chains, smelly perfumes etc etc for me. When I was a little girl when ever my parents went away they would bring me something back that was some what frivolous and served no purpose except to spoil me. Some things I bought during Lent that I didn't really need but really wanted were 2 Italian scarves and curvey pilsner beer glasses. Although I didn't need them they sure are pretty!

Random Thought
I'd rather look like a fairy than a hooker. I think that those new patent leather shoes that are so trendy look like hooker shoes. Half those younge girls who wear them don't even know how to walk in them. Since when did tall and clumsy become hot? What about short and dainty? I would rather wear those hindi inspired ballerina slippers and look some what graceful.

My towns people in my little stuck in the mud home town have been complaining about one the churches in my town. This church would like to have a shelter for the local street people. They actually want to provide some sort of haven for the hopeless, something my town is not very good at. Well the nieghbors are not too happy about this since is will be bringing in some seedy characters.
What I don't get is that only a couple blocks away is a porn shop. It just opened last year and nobody except for my friend complained about it. I believe her exact words to the city council man who took her call were "Have You Ever Been Raped?!?". Oh Steph you are the greatest!!!!*
Think about it they are complaining about an organization that wants to better the town and then we have the other extreme with the porn shop! A business that encourages the degredation of humans into sex toys. Their is a reason why their is such thing as a sex addict. Boys and girls can you say the words Rapist - Pedophile. Oh small home town how you are the pain in my ass!

My friend and pastor Joe is always coming up with creative ways of advertising for our monthyly agendas. I'm not sure if this was Joe's or Nathan's idea but I think that it is pretty great! Definetly eye catching! Don't you think?

I am showing the movie Simon Birch to my Leaders in Training group and I must say it has some great one liners. Here are two one liners I really like! Tee-Hee
(As Simon and Joe get into the cold water in the Corey)
"My balls just turned into marbles" "My balls just turned into bee-bees"
"My balls just turned into marbles" " My balls just turned into raisins"

Things from the 80's I will never wear again and hope never come back in style:

1.Unitards 2.Jumpers 3.Overalls 4.Sack style dresses 5.Night Gowns 6.Yellow gold 7.Zip Up Pyjamas 8.Big ass Sunday hats 9.Jelly shoes 10.Acid wash denim 11.Skinny jeans 12.Scrunchies 13.French braids 14.Bicycle shorts 15.Joggin suits 16. Slouchy shirts with a knot on the side. 16.Plaid lumberjack shirts 17.Floral print sunday dresses 18.Vests! 19.Teased bangs in a swooping band to the side. 20.Hot pink lip-stick 21.Mustaches 22.Madonna style braziers 23.Splash paints 24.Fanny sacks 25.Hammer pants 26.Hight cut pants and skirts

Things fromt the 80's I will wear again:
1.Leg Warmers! 2.Tights 3.Polka Dots 4.Big-ass dangly earings 5.Things with modern style lace 5.Fourescent! 7.Bangles 8.Canvas deck shoes 9.Scarves 10.Pumps 11.Long knecklaces 12.Broaches 13.Fish nets 14.Leggings 15.Teal 16.Lunch pails with matching thermoses 17. Tams (french hat) 18. Angora (I hate bunnies, they stink, poop everywhere, chew anything, scratch). 19.Mauve 20. Peach

*Her house is just around the corner from it.

Back Online After Lent (Hurray for Pictures!)

2007-04-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm back online and just like any other fast I am going to slowly get back on here.
Lets see....surprisingly a lot of things have actually happened in my life.
1. I did the March break day camp at the Y, that took a good 3 weeks out of my life.
-I accidentally called one of the kid's mom grandma....."Joey say good bye to grandma" Ooops!
2. My grandma's husband died.
-As selfish as this sounds I feel like I have my grandma back after seven years. Her husband was not abusive just very egalitarian and ordered her around a lot. He liked his routine! My granny is very independant and to see her reduced to a servant angered me.
3. I went away on retreat to a convent in the Tdot.
-I met a man.....he was 95! Too cute! It was a beautiful day on the tuesday afternoon I sat down to pray on a bench and soon I see a figure in the distance slowly chugging my way. Well eventually that figure approached me on the bench and asked me for a seat. I was kind of ticked by the interuption but gently reminded myself that this could be an encounter arranged by God. His ailment..... loneliness. His name is Oscar and his wife died 8 months ago.

The path next door at the mental health ward

<
My room at the convent
\

I was playinging with the affects on the camera

I walked in the labrynth

Spring has come!

A candid shot, it wasn't intentional...

4. I got sick for 2 weeks :(
-I haven't been sick for that long since I was a kid!
5. I wrote a long much needed letter to a few old friends who have mentored me.
Okay now that I have written down those things they don't look that big but honestly those things took up some huge chunks of time.

Thoughts I have been swirling around in my head??? One of the traits I despise about people are people who pretend to be something they are not. I can't stand people who are fake. And I have been thinking about how unreliable my own emotions are. They kind of phib to me. I don't trust my feelings anymore. My dad taught me to quetion things all the time and to not just take peoples word as truth. I think he didn't want me to buy into everything some dynamic personality could sell me. Well now I am questioning myself, my feelings change at a whim! Especially when it is the full moon!

I can't trust myself, I wonder sometimes why I find some things funny? I'll ask myself what about that do I find so funny? Is it because that person is poking fun at another? Is it because I am making fun of someone or trying to make myself feel more important than that person? Anyway I think emotions are unreliable and hate that I'm a closet emotional person. I would like to conceal my feelings so that not everyone can tell what I'm feeling by the expression on my face. Like when i cry in a movie or when I blush because I feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. My friend Jen use to go so red and I would make fun of her all the time. Then when I got into my 20s I developed the same annoying tendencie (shakes fist at God) Thanks for the Karma God! My Emotions lie to me all the time!

Off-Line (todays font colouring is pastel!)

2007-02-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks I'm going off-line in order to help rid myself of this internet adiction. I'm doing it for Lent. For now you guys can look at my friend's blogs. They have some cool thoughts. Especially Ronelle!
But......before I sign off, here are some random thoughts I had this week.

How do atsronauts navigate in space? It would really suck if they ever got lost! Satelites don't travel far enough to track people in space! That is the short and long of that thought.

In my search to not be too Christiany I think I have fallen away from some of the good things I use to practice in my spiritual walk with God. In replacement of my intimacy I find it has become filled with anger.

I have recieved a revelation to my recurring out of wed-lock pregnancy dream. Lisa and I were discussing it together and we think that it has something to do with my tendancy to want to please others and do the right thing. I never want to make the wrong decisions because I don't want to screw up my life. Right now I'm in a place where my choices are going to affect my life in the long term.
I want to find my passion and I can't find it! How do people know what they want to do with their life? How can some people be so sure about things? I'm not sure about anything anymore. I'm not confident about any particual thing. In fact I have more questions than answers. I find myself fearful and that fear has turned itself into apathy. I feel like I'm stuck in a muddy lane way getting ready to merge onto a road and I just keep on spinning my tires rolling forward and then slidding back into the place I just came from. The road is right in front of me and yet I can't get at it! Very frustrating!
Now to figure out the meaning to the dream where my intentions to maime(sp?) someone turn sour when they end up dying instead. Ooops!?!

Confession #2 Just for Valentines Day an Anti Climatic Story

2007-02-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

Title: The Sequal to Christian Online Dateing
Song that should be played right now is Starlight by Muse.
Well some of you who have been following my blog for awhile may remember my post on Christian online dateing. Well this is the sequal because I met someone online. Yes I know it seems so silly and foolish. Trust me I struggled with this the whole time it was happening and I still wonder how somthing like this could happen. It started when I got a myspace account because my friend Sarah corused(sp?)/pressured me into getting one ie: you don't have an account? everyoune has one! You have a blog but you don't have a myspace account? Again I thought it was stupid and just a way to see how popular one is. I still think it is but I got sucked into it.
I'll begin by telling you how it happened as some of you know I'm a bit of a snoop. Myspace was a great place for me to snoop around on. Usually the reason I snoop is because I like to know what people like ie: perfume/cologne, food, clothes, personal hygien products, MUSIC, magazines, interest etc. I know I'm a freak but you can learn a lot about a person by finding out what they like. When I first got my profile on myspace I started searching for people I knew. I found a few and then I started looking to see if I knew anyone on their lists. One of my aquaintences(sp?) had a sibling I kinda knew so I started looking at her profile just to see what kind of friends she had. Well she had a friend who intrigude me he had been in the Navy but was now attending Art school. He was pretty good looking;) Plus he liked skate boarding (don't ask me why I like skate boarders I have had a thing for them ever since I was in grade 9) and Pride and Prejudice. What more could a girl ask for masculine yet sensitive. So I added him to my friend list, something I never do to people I do not know. I hesitated at first because I thought I was being silly I started to pray about it but then I just took the plunge and pushed the add to friends button. I didn't think that anything would happen, I thought he would just look at the friend request and think "who is this strange girl? I don't know her?" and then deny my friend request. Instead he added me and commented on my page. I wrote him a note and explained how I didn't usually add people I didn't know. I left him my blog address so that if he wanted to learn more about me he could. Well he actually read my blog and commented on it. We began corresponding and soon I was getting frustrated because I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to know what he sounded like and how he phrased things in real life. I didn't hear from him for a little bit so I timidly messaged him and asked him if he got my last question. He had and had responded with a big long explanation but somehow myspace had lost it. So then I told him I wantd to hear his voice. He responded in the affirmative that he was feeling the exact same way.
We started talking on the phone and I liked him. He seemed really genuine not someone that would try to hide something. He had an innocence about him that I liked even though in the past he had made some poor decisions. If you know me I'm pretty pro Canada! This guy was American and I'm kinda anti military/brain washing. And this guy was both of those things. Yet he seemed to not fit the sterio type I had. Oh man I can remember Dad suggesting I go to singles groups across the boarder and scoffing at him. I can also remember my friend Rob saying that he could see me with a military man and practically choking as I said I would never date someone who was in the military. Then thier is the fact that I thought it was really silly that people met online. I was contradicting a lot of the things I said I didn't want.
Soon I began to want to know more and more about who he was and phone conversations just didn't seem sufficient. I then pressed him to see if he thought we should go a step further and meet. He agreed and so we decided to try for a time when we would get a face to face meeting. We were both busy, him with school and I with work. His e/mails started to become more infrequaint and I began to doubt his interest in me. I let it slide for a little while and then finally after going on a little bit of set-up double date my friends had arranged with a guy I didn't know I realized I had fallen for the online guy. I had fallen for a guy I never met. Not completly because I still did not really know him. I didn't know his mannerism or habits.
Instead of holding onto something that wasn't real for one of us I wrote him and asked him to tell me he wasn't interested anymore. He wrote me back immediatly and gave me a reply I wasn't expecting. He said things like "I'm in a dark place right now" and "you should let me go" "I can't be what I want to be or what I should be" and oh oh oh this killed me "I find in you the very person I would want to share myself with". I didn't know how to respond because it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear, I wanted out right mean rejection! I wrote him back stating my confusion and that I had more questions than answers. I said I needed to erase him from my life and that I would never contact him again but he could do so at the right time. I said some other things but I'm not going to tell you those. So I did erase him, he is gone and yes if fucking hurt!
I'm still a little stunned at what happened? I had a thing for a stranger!?! It was like I had this ghost in my head that was this guy I liked. Like he was alive but not really present. You know when somebody close to you dies and you think you see them in a crowd well I kinda felt like that with him. I would think I would see him riding his bike by my house but it wasn't him. So wierd because I had never even seen him in person before. Such a strange scenario.
I wonder now if we were to pass each other on the street if we would turn our heads to check each other out or if we wouldn't even notice one another. I wonder if he would just end up being one of the guys I hang out with and play board games? You know just a buddy o'l pal type of guy. Or what if I got into a fender bender and the other person in the car was really him and we met that way.
What really gets me is that he read my whole blog! I had always thought it would be so romantic if someone were to fall for me just by reading my blog. Cheesy, I know!
Again I didn't really know him I didn't see his mannerism or habits. Maybe he has nasty breath or this really irritating twitch. I haven't seen how he reacts in different situations or to different people. I keep telling my friend Katie to remind me of these things so that I stay in reality.
Well so ends this time of confessions friends. I'm sure I'll have more but I just needed to confess this to you.

Inside my head (scary!)

2007-02-12T18:07:00.000-08:00

When people die do they go to heaven right away? But doesn't God exist outside of time? And if this is true does that mean the world has already ended? People's souls have to go somewhere right? Unless their is a purgatory/waiting area but I kinda think that earth is purgatory. Maybe I have this all wrong and didn't grasp it too well when I took my philosophy class. These were just some of my thoughts today while I was washing the dishes. My brain hurts.

Mens Speedos and Womens G-string bikinis
Guys if you aren't a competa(i?)tive swimming at the time do not wear speedos! They make swim trunks baggy for a reason that way you don't have to worry about.....stuff getting more attention than it should at the wrong time.
Ladies lets keep our body some what of a mystery! Yes bathing suits tend to reveal everything, but lets be honest men would rather have a mystery than an ending being blurtted out. Leave something to the imagination. Lets skip the brazillian bottoms and g-strings and try something more tasteful.

Well those are my thoughts for today.

Confession #1 (a secret revealed)

2007-02-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

Title: Why I Started Blogging

I started blogging because of a guy. Two years ago....no three years ago....or so....I met a guy who's aura I was instantly attracted to. Cockiness (or confidence) that dripped off of him, death grip of a hand shake, extremly engaging & personable, arty, comical, skate boarder, former rebel and compassionate youth worker. He was perfect in my eyes.
At first when i thought about writting this blog I wanted to make him anonymous but I don't think I will. His name is Carlo, I was going to call him Mossimo (giggle) but what ever. I met Carlo twice briefly before I was able to actually engage with him. The first time we met was at a camp I use to go to as a teenager, he was the speaker and I came up for a visit. I wasn't too impressed with him at first because I thought he was overly confident and liked to wear costumes for the theme night that revealed his nice physique. His presence quickly captivated me and I asked around about him. I got an introduction but never really had a chance to chit chat.
Then in the Fall I found out he would be at a youth workers conference I was to attend so I made sure that I was able to get an introduction. Shy as I am I did briefly get introduced but again not anything else. He didn't even remember me! I prayed and asked God for more of an opportunity but got more than I bargained when a prank I played involveing coffee and salt ended up being given to him. Oops:)

I then cooked up a plan to go back to my old stompin grounds and be a camp counselor for a week to finally get a good meeting. I missed being at camp so I wanted to go back anyway. I discussed my plan with a married guy friend and he gave me the go ahead. I pursued it but soon learned that Carlo was not going to be up that week. I took it as a sign and decided to go to camp anyway.
During that time I had started volunteering at a youth drop-in centre that was newly started. I decided to call my friend up North to get some advice from him because he has been running a drop-in centre for a few years. He referred me to his co-director......Carlo. So I called Carlo. I was sooo nervous! But I did it! And we talked for two hours! During that time we only spoke about ministry stuff for half an hour. I had never connected with anyone like that in my life! He was everything I though he would be. We ended the phone call with a positive note. He said he wanted to talk to me again so I said that next time he could call me.
Five days later he called again and we had a great conversation. I called him a few days after that and another good dialogue happened. During the course of our conversations he figured out I knew him and I clued him in about our meetings but still no recognition! We e-mailed a bit, he wanted to know what I looked like but I would only send him old photos because at the time I was struggling with some hard core adult acne. I was really struggling with sending him a recent picture. During our conversations we would tell each other stories and talk about different analgies God had been teaching us. One time I told Carlo a story about a hard day at work and he said "you should write a blog" and I responded with "a blog? who would read my blog?". I didn't start one because I thought that blogs were silly. It was also during one of our conversations that he hinted at coming up for a visit to camp.
Well he did. One morning God told me he would be thier that day. I just knew it in my knower. After lunch I saw him from a ways back but he didn't see him. I wanted to see if he would notice me as well. He is one of those flambouyant personalities and I wanted him to come to me. Well..... eventually he did we talked briefly and the whole time I was really self concious about the acne and whether I had salad in my teeth. It was late in the day and he had to leave abruptly to go to court. I asked him to come visit again, he promised to try but said that if he couldn't I should give him a call. He never came and when i called him after camp our phone conversation was not quite as animated as it had been. I tried sending him a couple e/mails but to no avail. In October 05 I started a blog and sent out a forward to everyone on my e/m list (including Carlo) with a link to the blog. I began writing in my blog as if I was writing to him but never mentioning him. Eventually I realized he probably never read the blog and started blogging just for the fun of it.
The End

Today is a Shitty Day

2007-01-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

Today is a shitty day!
A day where I feel tired and wonder what the hell God is doing because everything feels out of control.
Today is a day where I feel liking cussing out my boss, a day where I feel insignificant and anxious about my life.
I'm confused about my strengths and weeknesses. Discouraged about being disastisfied with God, life, love, family, living arrangements, luck, education.....everything!
Today is a day I would love to eat a gallon of some sort of vanilla ice cream with chocolate something and nut something swirled together.
Today is a day I would like to be void of emotion and be numb to feeling.
If I were a drug addict I would probably choose my pharmacy of choice (shady character, drug-store, bar, pub) and then I would inject/swallow that drug right away.
If I was a cutter I'd cut away so that I would feel the high of cutting.
Today is a day that if I was a gambler I would gamble all of my money away just to feel the rush and possibilty of winning.
Today is a day that if I was a porn adict I would look at the worst porn so that I could waste my life away in fantasy.
Today is a day that if I was a chronic shopper I would spend and spend so my pleasure in spending would be met. I would spend so much I'd have to have my possessions reposessed because of my debt.
Today is a day that if I was a kleptomaniac I would collect every pen in sight!
It is a day where if I was a video gamer I would spend the day chained to my TV trying to get to the next level in the game.
Today is a day where if I was anorexic I would starve myself and exercise until I calapsed.
Today is a day that if I felt like no one wanted to hear me rants and complaints I would write it on a blog. Hopeing somone might hear my pain.
Today is a shitty day! That only swear words and bad grammar can adequatly explain.

Peter Pan and Snow....

2007-01-20T15:34:00.000-08:00

I showed the movie Hook for my movie night and movie matinee program and as I was watching it I remembered how great of a movie it really is! First of all Rufio! Need I say more, I only had the huges crush on him when I was a kid (always have been a sucker for a rebel with a skate-board)! Too bad he only went on to have a band named after him and to star the in the movie Take the Lead (which I loved and plan on buying). Second of all Dustin Hoffman as Hook, was epic! He must have had a blast playing that role! He sure had a great time making his character be hated by all the children who watched that movie. Thirdly the sets and costumes of that movie are amazing! Full of magic, beauty and old world mystery!
I think that kids of all ages like this movie because it teaches them how to make believe and imagine. I love the scene where Peter has to remember how to imagine in order to eat the feast. Mom and I were talking this week and mom was saying that a lot of kids today do not know how to imagine or make their own fun. They are restricted to being baby sat by moives and ready made toys. When I show movies the kids don't really want to watch them. Instead they are more interested in going for a swim in the pool. Why? Because they are use to being baby-sat by the television. Movies aren't a big deal for them. I remember for me it was a huge treat to watch a movie. Of course up until I was 5 VCRs had not been invented yet and I didn't have cable as a kid.
But the lesson of Hook goes deeper for adults. We adults like the grown up Peter need to take time to remember how to have fun and enjoy life. To have happy thoughts so that we do not get dragged down by the worries and concerns of today. To find that child inside of us that yearns to be imaginative and creative.

Snow I am so glad it is here! I never thought I would say this but I'm glad our season is back in balance. After being in Mexico I realized I don't mind the snow. It didn't feel quite right seeing Christmas decorations in sunny tropical weather in Mexico. I felt like I had gone back in time to July not forward into the end of November.

Two Movies I Love! (Updated)

2007-01-16T20:43:00.000-08:00

Lady in the Water
It is magical! I loved the story line and the character development! Ron A Smith you were wrong! The movie was da bomb! You just don't get fantasy. My favourite character development was the crab, his role is....well I won't give it away but it is pretty great.

Dance For CamerA
This movie was very arty but I liked it. I picked it up from the library. It is modern dance like I have never seen before. Think stomp for the none broadway musical fan only dance in the same format. The dance sequence I liked the most was when the dancers used blowing air on each other to create movement and then inhalation as a suction cup type of movement. Very cool experimentation with both camera and dance.

A movie I saw but didn't love or completly dislike was Employee of the Month, with Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. Dane Cook wore Healies, which was kinda cool (those shoes that kids wear with wheels on the heels). I watched it with my cousin Ryan, we both really enjoy Dane Cook and it was just fun to watch the movie with him before he left for Calgary. I love my cousin so much and can't believe he is leaving again. At least he will still be in Canada this time. It should also be noted that we smoked a pipe together and it was goood! Maple Vanilla tobacco has a smooth flavour. Although I burnt my tongue:(

The First of Many....consider yourself lucky.

2007-01-13T15:13:00.000-08:00

We'll call this blog Memories of Mexico

*Boys it should be noted that you may feel uncomfortable reading this post, so I'm warning you now.

1. My two aunt's who have boob jobs.
Sad sad thing my friends! I found out through my younger cousin that they got them done around 3-4 years ago. First my one aunt is already well endowed! My other aunt is very skinny so they definetly look fake! The first well endowed aunt if you were to look at her and you didn't know you would think 'man she is bigger than I thought she was' (that was before I found out). I don't understand why either of them got them done!?! I think it is kind of sad that they felt the need for the procedure. You can buy bras that do the trick just fine, without the whole PERMANENT thing being added! Boob jobs are like tatoos, they hurt like hell and they are PER PER PER PERMANENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. My Uncle talking frankly about how women have one breast larger than the other.
Okay first of all my dad's side of the family is very conservative and just don't talk about things like that. But I guess my uncle has caved after living with three women. Especially now that his two girls are teenagers. It was so funny, to hear him say 'oh ya every women has one that is smaller than the other'. Oh uncle you are the greatest!

3. I got all of my aunt's and my three female cousins to go for a walk down the beach. On our jaunt we happened to pass a hotel that was being newly constructed. Apparently the workers were willing to take a break to check us all out. We had all of the contruction workers out on the top of the roof whistling and cat calling us (like 20 of them)! When we went to walk past again to return they had come down to see us! Ya, Canadian men are not quite that forward!

4. The waves were huge in the ocean so my cousin's and I went wave jumping.
It was nice to see my youngest cousin Sarah acting like the Sarah I use to know. The Tom Boy who didn't have a care in the world. It was a short live moment but it was good. She has become a sterio typical selfish teenager in order to keep from being picked on by catty little girls her age. I miss my rambuncious cousin. I hope she grows out of this booty licious attention getting boy chasing, pop culture consumer fueld stage. I fear for her if she does not. She use to be a leader but she has been berated to a follower. Girls are just mean!

5. One day my other cousin and I tooled around the local market together. We were harrassed by many of the venders (for good reason, we are rich Americans). We were given many options in the boyfriend department. It seems that blond girls are well liked in Mexico. I had one man say to me as he lightly put his hand on my shoulder "I like this size". Ugghhhhh he was twice my age!

6. We went to The Island of Women for one of our excursions.
While we were one the island I spotted a VW camper bus. The lisence plate said Quebec so I went up to the couple to say hello. I asked them if they were from Quebec, they responded in the affirmative. I told them I was from Ontario and started asking them about how they got to Mexico. They said that they had started by traveling through the states, camping at different sites and then slowly working down to Mexico. They had a map of different camp sites in Mexico they were going to but they found that some of them were lacking electrical hook-ups, showers and sometimes (I think) even toilets. They had been on the road for four months and had another three to go. They were headed next to the Carribean next. To top it all off they were doing it with their two kids who were 6 and 9 years of age! I congradulated them on their successful journey and told them that I thought they were very brave.
How cool is that! I think that would be so fun to do but I don't even know if I have the guts to do something like that without kids!?! I think I need to be more daring and take more chances. I'm always so cautious, kinda like Susan from Narnia.