Saturday, May 3, 2008

My Education and Vulnerability

I decided to follow Mr. Tom Froese's example and post a photo essay. The following are some pictures I took randomly through out the year which relate to my 'second' post secondary experience, this time at a real secular university. Also because I didn't really allow myself to truly blog because I made on my studies the higher priority. Here is a journal entry from my literary class. So enjoy my candid thoughts and shots.
Jan. 2nd 2008
Dear Professor Argyle,
I greatly enjoyed reading Tonio Krueger because, in true Adrienne style, I started relating Tonio’s experiences and contemplative thoughts to my own life. Like Tonio, I have always found myself somewhat of an outsider. However, unlike Tonio, my features and name didn’t pin me as an outsider. I am like Tonio in that I do have some similar personality traits and characteristics. For instance, I was and still am a day dreamer, an Anne of Green Gables type of girl in that I am romantic to the very core. I always thought that people did not really like me because they thought that I wasn’t very smart or because of my religious beliefs, but now I see that like Tonio, I was a sensitive spirit. A girl full of passion and compassion, a sensitive and deeply feeling type of person. I can relate to Tonio’s desire to be friends with the popular, good looking Hans because for almost all of my elementary school years, I had wanted to be friends with a girl who was, in my opinion, “the prettiest girl in my class”. All of the little boys had crushes on her and I had a friend-crush on her as well. I wanted to be like her and to look like her. I would come home from school and cry to my mom about the fact that I just wanted to be her friend, and yet she didn’t really want to be my friend. I tried to grow my hair to be as long as hers and I wore my hair in pigtails, just like hers. I invited her over numerous times to play at my house, but each time she rejected me.
Even in high school, I had a hard time fitting in. I had a few good friends, but it seemed I was unable to really make lasting relationships outside of that sphere of friends. I tried to conform through wearing the right clothes, listening to certain types of music and still I could not fully integrate into the rest of the high school crowd. I’ve come to accept the fact that I will never really “fit in”; I’ll never have a big group of friends to hang out with and know for years and years. As much as I fight the solitude, I embrace it as well. It is that space where I step back and observe things, specifically the way the world around me is shaped. In observing the world, I take something from it and make it mine. I see the wide open expanses of life around me. In conclusion, I see that my personality parallels Tonio’s because I realize that however sensitive I am, it is the layers of hurt and loneliness that have caused me to dig deep within myself and have made me a richer more colourful person. Without my struggles and heart breaks, I would not be who I am now. I feel that those things have enriched me and given deeper layers to my personality.
I went to Starbucks to study one day. I thought I would take advantage of the internet access they have, upon arriving I realized that I had to pay for it. Boo on corporate Starbucks:{. This was my view from the cushy mocha coloured chair I was sitting in.
My local Starbucks allows this homeless man to sleep during the day at the same table everyday. They give him free drinks and allow him to park his shopping cart out front with its many LCBO bags dangling from it. He doesn't smell and he is quite sociable with the many patrons. He seems fairly intelligent and it makes me wonder how or why he is on the street.
Procrastinating with my camera by my heater vent. Yeh, cool affects.

My beautiful campus at the beginning of October.

As usual the Christian clubs on campus made me disgusted by their advertising. Anyone looking at this poster would think that we Christian people think that our God is better than the others. Oh, I dunno its just plain bad advertising. Ya, God's pretty super but not like some super hero who is going to take away all your problems. Bleh, I just don't like religious clubs or clubs in general they just seem so exclusive.

Some people say that York is ugly but I like the ultra modern 60s style concrete and glass buildings. They may have a cold feeling but I feel so small beside them that it makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger on the York campus. I'm part of the student body of thee York university!

Studieing in the dance building.

Me procrastinating. I hate this shot because it shows every flaw on my skin. I was very anxious at the beginning of the year and my skin (like a mood ring) tells me how I'm feeling through acne and eczema. I thought that I would post it just to get over my vanity.
This has to be the most low-fi sign the city could have paid for. I thought it was hilarious and deserved being posted here.
This was my awsome room. I like how my lamp illuminates the whole shelf.
This is the house that I lived in. It was a great place to live but unfortunately circumstances beyond my control have forced me to leave. I still get to live in the same beautiful area on a street only a block away.

Friday, May 2, 2008

When I feel most like myself.....

You know how they say that alcohol brings out what people are really like, (insert questioning knowing tone) you know , the part that they hide from the general public. Well when I dance I feel like myself the most. I love dancing myself into a trance! When I use to be part of a charismatic youth group we use to have the most awsome musical worship sessions! I would dance and dance and dance until I put myself into a trance like state. Those were some of the most intense spiritual experiences I have ever had. I miss dancing.

This Summer I want to go out with some friends dancing. Who wants to come with me.

Current favourite iTunes DL, M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" on the album Kala. Nothing like a little female gangsta gorrilla music. I have actions to the song:). They include gun cocking motions. GIRL POWAH!