Continuation of Confession #2 Online Dateing the Trilogy Continued

This is a continuation from this post and this post. Read or browse before reading this current post. So after I wrote my release post in order to let go of Mr. Internet Man last February I went to check my myspace account. Low and behold he had written me after two months of respectful silence. He said that he was coming to Sdot for our mutual connections wedding and if I would meet him. He said that he wasn't trying to 'reignite any embers that had died". I responded that I wanted to meet him and had been praying that some day I would meet him. The problem was that the wedding was not until August!

The wait was torture but I endured. I contacted him in June just to say hello and see how he was doing. Really it was just to let him know i still remembered he would be coming to Sdot. He wrote back saying he would be coming soon and I wrote back "so whats the game plan". We talked about dates and such.

Time began to inch closer, I prayed for beautiful weather and that we would have a good amount of time to get acquainted with each other. God answered my prayer with the most gorgeous day. I took him down to the river and the beach. Unfortunately he forgot to bring his swim suit so we weren't able to swim, I was very disappointed about that. We got fries under the bridge (a local tradition) and ate ice-cream together. The day ended with his suggestion of swinging on swings at the near by park, which I heartily agreed to. We ate ice-cream and swung on the swings. We both sat and drank in the beauty of the sun filtering through the trees and it was a moment of peace and contentment. I broke the silence by saying "I'm glad I met you" and he responded with an incredulous "why". I told him "because now I have closure" he met this response with silence but in that silence I sensed hurt. My friend Galen says that he was probably hurt because he probably had an a slight hope for more in the back of his mind. Yet, for me their was no romantic connection, he just seemed like a cousin to me. As if I was hanging out with my cousin Ryan. He was just as kind and gentle as I had thought he was on the phone. He is a beautiful person. I questioned him as to why he had gone cold on me in the Winter and still he did not feel comfortable with telling me. I'm okay with it though. He is moving to Portland for art school and I moved to Toronto for University.

His name is Cameron Stewart, he is wise and contemplative. I wish him the best and I hope he meets the woman of his dreams because he deserves her.

EMO education

I can't sleep, I went on youtube.
Sorry I don't know how to display videos properly.
If you have over 20 mins watch "How to be EMO" . The nerd dudes that made this video confused emo with straight edge.

If you have a less than ten minutes check out "What is Emo", their are emo boys all over the world.
"Boys wear girls trousers and tight shirts."
"Just a drop of goth tears"

Love it!

I want to be pretty

I've been told that I'm beautiful but I want to know that I'm aesthetically pleasing. Men in Toronto are much more expressive about telling a women that she is beautiful butttttt.....I know they just think I'm sweet and perky.
One slightly enebreated(I like this word) man told me I was pretty but ended it with girl, "pretty girl". Thus negating the pretty part all together by referring to me as a pretty GIRL. Not a pretty women.

I've been comtemplating my beauty a lot lately and I feel that being inundated by many adverts has distorted my understanding of beauty drastically(okay not just ads but many other things). I want to find my unique beauty for myself...... does any woman truly find this......does any human ever find this?

Am I pretty?


PS one day I want buy some random T-shirts and sponge on some random words I really like. Maybe I'll make a line and call them scrabble shirts? Now someone will steal my idea because I posted it on the WWW. Okay back to the dreaded paper.

Connect the Rock Block

My favourite radio station in London has a contest called connect the rock block where callers have to call in and guess how three songs are connected to each other. Well I want to play that game with you reader. So you have to connect the rock block of these three bands who as of late I have been listening to.

Eisley

I can't say enough about this band and I don't know why I haven't found them up until now! I lived 20 mins from where they hail and they are a Christian band. However I have heard whispers of them in my social circles but have never actually been able to grace my ears with they're beautiful music. If I was a guy I would definelty have a crush on the girls in this band, they are beautifully etherial and bohemian in look and stature. Plus all the band members are related to each other, they all have the last name DuPree sooooo..... they are either siblings or siblings and cousins. I'd say they are Christian musics best kept indie band secret, I had no idea they were Christian when I found them. You'd think I would have heard them at C-stone, since they have been around since 1997. Current fave songs on this CD are Sight to Behold and Combinations. These girls have the most haunting voices, full of melodious soft notes that cast a spell on the listener!

<---Family Force 5

I love this band! They are hilarious! Unfortunately they are under the command of the former member of DCTalk, T-Mac but hey Relient K is under Gotee records and they have still kept things fresh.

This band has a frenetic energy and kind of remind me of what TFK use to be like before they were swayed to loose the rap-rock attitude and aim for the more melodic emo style that was popular at the begin of the 000's and is slowly fading away. These boys surprisingly hail from the South. I know they are a teeny bopper band but sometimes I need something to balance out the melancholic music I usually gravitate to.
They also dabble with film a little bit and have the mose hilarious music video's. The video I like the most is for Kountry Gentleman, the best part is the fight scene where they whip out combs and use them as pseudo switch blades to try and brush each others hair. Very Funny!

They have a fashion style reminiscent to a band a lot of my American friends use to like called Skillet(to the right). Skillet, consists of horrible poppy music that reminds me of drinking a can of pink crush when what I really want is a can of Vanilla Coke! Grosse! FF5 is definetly the Vanilla Coke I crave.

Iron and Wine

I've known about Sam Bean's little musical get-up for awhile but still haven't bought a CD. Beautiful acoustic guitar paired with rich male vocals, def some cool chill music.

They all hail from the dirty south of Texas!

Conversation with God

I asked God a question recently that I've asked Him many times before.
Usually he answers this question with "soon". But then I got angry with Him when he kept giving me that answer and it never happened "soon". I told him I didn't want to hear that answer anymore.
This time when I asked He answered with "Its not the right time". This answer still has me quite ansy but not as angry, its still an ambiguous answer for a concrete systematic human.
Oh God you are hilarious! I know its not the right time but....WHEN???????

Sometimes I Feel Like God is like my Parents

He/they may have created me but they don't understand me.

He/they don't understand my innermost struggles and greatest desires.

He/they hear me but don't comprehend me.

He/they don't understand my desire for financial autonomy and the hell I have gone through to try and achieve it.


Me me me me me, I know its all about me. But I am a generous me and without the financial autonomy I can't be that side of me. I would rather spend on others than myself......kind of like my father. Sometimes I think we don't feel worthy or that its right to spend on ourselves.

I'm better than you.....I hate condescending people!

As of late I have come in contact with a couple people who seem to exemplify the persona of the Condescender.

Its hard to pin down because you know that 'apparently'they have the 'best' interests in their arguements for the improvement of others but then they begin to lecture and lecture and lecture..... And then you just want to punch them in the face.

Or they say snide insinuating remarks that are not affirming at all! Like ya I think next time you could do this better or next time can you do this instead of that. Or little belittleing comments that don't seem like much but then they begin to pile up and pile up and become this big mamoth red hot iron that brands the person(s) they are referring to as a slab of "your not that special to me" jargon. And I'm more interested in what you could be than what you are.

In our Christian culture we are always trying to improve ourselves or help others improve who they are. Well I suggest that we start AFFIRMING others more! Lets build them up instead of tearing them down.

I know that these Condescenders have insecurity issues with themselves and that is why they are the way that they are but it is still no excuse for such jevenile behaviour. Get over yourselves already! If only I could scream that at such a persons face.

Dear Blog God

I feel like everything is out of my control......and it is. Help me to surrender it to you.

A Must See Movie!

Be Kind Rewind

This looks hilarious! Who wants to see it with me?!?

Know me!

When I am getting to know people I ask them a lot of questions. I can always tell if they are not interested in me or are self centred if in return they do not ask me any questions about who I am.

If you want to know me then ask me questions about myself.

My First Kiss

Was in kindergarten. Their was a boy by the name of Jamie Anderson, he had bright blue eyes and sandy blond hair that had the most prominent cow licks I have ever seen in my life! I didn’t think much of Jamie. In fact I had a naïve crush on Ryan Lyndsay but Ryan liked Melissa Hillmann. Ryan liked Melissa so much that when I caught up with him 2 years ago he was sad that Melissa hadn’t waited for him and gone and married another guy. Buddy you didn’t even pay attention to her in high school!?!
Jamie lived behind my friends the Habiebes (they were from Iraq), one day while I was visiting the Habiebes I went over to his house to play. At the time he was playing a kissing game with some other girl and asked me if I wanted to play. I didn’t really say that I did but somehow he got the impression I wanted to. When it came time to kiss him I just kind of stood their deliberating about whether to do it or not and then he got the other girl to demonstrate for me how to do it. I relented and kissed him a couple times. The other little girl and I took turns kissing him. Jamie then wanted me to go a step further and French kiss him. I wasn’t too sure about how to do that so he explained that you put your tongue in the other persons mouth. I didn’t want to do it but Jamie got the other little girl to demonstrate for me. I tried but could not bring myself to do it. No matter how much Jamie tried to coax me to French kiss him I couldn’t do it.
And that is the story of my first kiss. I started young, it was more about curiosity than enjoyment.

Swinging on the Swing Set

This past weekend my cousin Brittany and I took our younger cousin Lukas from Germany to Canada's Wonderland. The night before we went for a walk and showed him the University of Guelph. On the way back we stopped at the park. I saw the swing set and started swinging on one of he swings. Brittany soon joined me and asked Lukas if he wanted to swing. He staunchly refused saying it was too childish. This coming from a boy who is 10 years younger than me.
As we swung I felt this bubble of laughter come out of the depths of my soul. A laughter I forgot I had because it was a long time since I had used it. Britt and I hooped and hollered as we pumped our legs to go higher and higher into the humid night air that surrounded us and tried to touch the full orange moon that looked down on us. Thier was something about swinging on swings and being around precious Brittany that reminded me once again who I am. I am the free spirited, brutally honest, laugh machine Adrienne and I love it! I guess sometimes you lose yourself and you just need someone who knows and cares for you to help you find it again. I hadn't realized the saddness that had so deeply enveloped me until that night. Mom and Joh had said they had sensed a saddness about me but I just thought they didn't know how to take my quiet disposition. I think what they really meant was that they hadn't heard my laughter in awhile.

Currently Bleeding

Today was an emotionally ravaging day. It involved a letter and one major phone call. Reality is such a Bitch! Sometimes I just want to hide away in my room playing on the internet in my little cyber world for hours so that I do not have to face people.
I think that I really suck at this whole friend thing. I don't think I know how to be a friend anymore or how to be social. Its so much easier to wrap myself up into a cacoon filled with layers of introversion than to try over and over again to form relationships. Nothing is for sure! NOTHING! Everything is disposable and can be replaced and apparently that includes me.

I hate Blogger! I have nothing to hate right now so today I will hate this piece of shit!

Completly Shallow

Most of my posts on this blog haven't been that deep. I'm getting kind of lazy at blogging and I'm kind of scared of some people reading my thoughts. People I don't know or know really well but would prefer they do not see the more vulnerable side of myself I let blead all over the internet. So here comes the most shallow blog I'll probably ever post on here. It is my top male actor picks.



Currently in the #1 spot is Dave Krasinski of the hit TV series The Office. I love the looks that he gives the mock cameras on the show. I think he is a cute innocent looking guy.....a guy I wouldn't mind spending a day with just hanging out with and driving around town aimlessly killing time. Your boy next door type of boy. I like how his character waits around for his co-worker to break it off with her dead beat fiance......Jim ya gotta be a little more bold (I'm still getting throught the second series. I'm on disc 2).

Mark Ruffalo is def a fave! I adore his brown teddy bear eyes! I like his gentleness, their is a sincerity in his countenance. Ya, I like him!

George Stromolop....???? I don't how to spell his last name but dude this guy is hot! Sporting bad boy with intelect, piercings, tatoos and a big ass belt. Ya, I like the rebels who know how to think. Bonus he is a Canadian!!!!

Ioan Gruffud sigh......come on he was in the BBC TV series Horatio Hornblower. He combines gentleman with hero. With a predisposition to do the right thing at the right time. Love those pensive sunken eyes, pronounced nose and beautiful cleft in his chin. So far all the roles I have seen him in he has been a perpetual do gooder who displays alpha male leadership traits. I like that!

Oh my goodness I love a good o'l skinny goofy guy to make me laugh. These two guys remind me of two other guys I know that make me crack up. It is the fact that they can't keep a straight face for long before they start giggling like school girls. Jimmy Fallon and Topher Grace are the Hollywood versions of Caleb Teeple and Reg Lewickie.

Jimmy is just a big kid. And Topher knows how to work the dramatic pauses and quick wit sarcastic comments.

Jake Jake Jake. What can I say I'm attracted to his masculinity and versatility. He has acted in a million roles from a boy confined to a bubble to a gay cow boy. I like that he is daring and yet adds debth to his roles. Although I was surprised to see that some of his pictures were quite vain as he revealed his 'athletic' physique.

Lastly I like Matt Damon. I think its because he adds an innocent side to his characters. I first encountered him in the movie The Firm with Danny DeVito. I liked how his character beat the crap out of Claire Dane's characer's abusive husband. It was a great scene because in the past his character had been abused by his dad when he was a boy so it was a double wammy......literally.

Oh and I like the voice of Vince Cannova of the Detroit radio station 89x. It is a combination of surfer dude and a burn out with a tad bit of rasp.

Current Project

As a lot of you know I am a graphic T-shirt adict. I love buying shirts that have cool logos on them. I wear them until they have holes in them and the colour is not longer recognizable. I figured out a way to save my precious T-shirts, I'm going to make a quilt out of them. The above picture is the beginning of my little project. I've cut up my favourites and some of my old work & camp shirts and pieced them together. It was a little painful to cut up some of them but I made myself let go of them because they just looked so ridiculously old. I aim to have them all sewn together by the end of the Summer. I got a bolt of purple sweat shirt fabric for free off of Freecycle and I'm going to use that as the backing. I'm not too enthusiastic about sewing together but the process will help me to learn some patience. I'm sure that once I get it started I won't want to stop. I guess I want to post this so that I will be more accountable in getting my projects done (some how I think this sentence is gramatically incorrect....but I dunno how to fix it).

Anyway that is one of the things I am slowly working away on.

UnHealthy En Vogue

It seems to me that it is the new fashion trend to have unhealthy body types on our run ways. Girls are waaaaay too thin buuuuttt........ I think a new trend it trying to make a break out. They want fat girls on the run ways. Oh Western hemisphere how you make me sick! So its cool to either be a skinny chick or a fat chick. Don't eat or eat excessive amounts of garbage.

How about healthy chicks? What about girls that try to eat healthy and be active. Not those mutated fitness girls because that is not natural or healthy. Lets have women who are toned but still have some extra layers. Or women who are active but don't exercise until they cry.

Lets just be healthy!

Hard Words To Say

How do you say to someone you love very dearly that you want to see them whole not just simply happy. That you want more for them.


How?????? Someone please tell me because it is killing me with anxiety!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures and Pieces of Paper

A few weeks ago my small city celebrated artwalk, it is our art festival that happens in the dirty downtown core. A few of my friends were venders. This is my little recap from it.


This is my beautiful fiery friend Sarah. She is a talented artist who likes to make funky jewelry. I love her dearly and think that she is an incredible person.

Nathan and Barry had a booth displaying their photos. This is one of the ones I really like of Barry's collection.

A pin I bought at art walk. I'm going to put it on my jacket next to the skull pin my aunties like so much;) I LOVE IT!

Katie and I were instant soul friends the moment we met....you know that person you meet and you can sense the instant connection. Well that was how we both felt when we met. She is an amazing artist and a good friend. Her and I both know how to observe our surroundings, we notice things other people don't.

I love this picture of Rachel and Nathan. The graphics add to the the joy and fun that eminate from them both. I ripped this piece of paper off of their sparkling peach juice bottles on the banquet tables. I like pop art!

The United Church is a little messed but they sure have some cool adds. I like that they are promoting spiritual contemplation. Its cool.

Whoa Back that Truck Up

Buddy from work is apparently barely legal (according to my books). Plus he said something very quickly in passing about a girlfriend. Looks like I'm good o'l Adrienne. Ah well, he wasn't exactly my type. Def some good qualities though.

So Rye pie (my cousin)wrote an update. He has such a child like faith right now. I thought that I would let you all read his update letter. If you thought I had bad grammar then just wait until you read his letter.

Hey guys well its been a while and i guess i should just email you all to say hey and tell you how cow town has been. its hard cause i never was one to send out updates when i was in NZ and now that its the same country i forget all the time and dont even think of it really.

so pretty sweet with the job that i got my boss is so rad. totally builds me and encourages me to move forward in the things that God has for me. the place that i am living in is epic my landlady is so cool and she takes me for rides on her motorcycle and i dont even hold on to anything haha i am crazy mouy loco amigo. so yeah works been good and the hours are sweet as. i am sure that my parents told you i bought a car its a sick 1981 BMW. i love it...like a diamond in the rough. oh yeah so i am going to be going to school in september i was accepted at mount royal college out here which is cool. and also i hooked up with a old DTS student who runs snowboarders for christ in calgary and starting next season will be leading that along side her and four others. so pray for that god gives direction. also total provision eh. kingdom finances and all that.

now for a more spiritual thing. the church i kinda go to is allright i dont mind it but just dont feel like i am filled but feel like God is keeping me there for now i go to other churches as well though where i get filled i found this sweet one the pastors are from South Africa pretty rad my friend knows them and said that they are super sweet as. and they are. its really cool though i have been meeting with some friends every saturday night in canmore and we get together and just party with jesus its so cool and God has revealed so much to me. so its really good. so yeah i think thats about it for now. but i figured that i should let you all know that cause you know your family. well talk to you later. God Bless Ryan.

The Hug

He went out of his way to compliment me on how nice my hair looked one day.
Today he hugged me for no reason. I didn't flinch or pull away. It was a strong embrace. I liked it.

I sense his pleasure in me. Or am I just good o'l Adrienne....although I don't think I am.

So ask me out for Petes sake!

Tegan and Sarah Song

"Where Does The Good Go"

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go

North America Is Over Educated!

i don't want to go back to school! Yet I need a fall back and school is going to have to give me my fall back. It looks like I will have to spend my money on another degree but not just any degree, one that will give me a BA.
I hate this whole application process! No one is willing to expand on each step I must take except to lead me to more jargon I have to sort out and decifer. The reason I am going back to school is to be able to go to teachers college. I want to teach grade three....I think? I'm not 100% sure but I'm sure enough that I don't want to earn just above minimuim wage anymore. Lately I have one line going through my head which is 'I just want to kick somebodies ass!'. I have wondered why I have had that line running in my head but now as I am writing this post I think I know why. I feel like I have been cheated out of a hand of cards, as though I was tricked into spending lots of time and money on an education that didn't prep me for the reality of life.
People in third world countries barely get an elementary school education and yet we North Americans have two and three degrees worth of BS. Their is so much competition in our sphere of the earth for jobs that the bar gets set higher and higher unless.....you know someone who knows someone. Urrrggghhhh I just want to get my hands dirty and work in a decent career with a decent wage. Not one that forces me to be co-dependant on my parents. Sure min wage gets highered every year now but taxes get higher every year.
I think that jobs that require the most odd hours and dirtiest conditions should start getting wage increases. Those jobs are usually given to those who do not have the education to be in higher status positions.
Well I'm done my rant for now. Back to the tedious job of scrolling down pages and pages of uiversity shit that tells me something but nothing at the same time.

My Life Through Pictures.

Yesterday was Nathan and Rachel's wedding. I was only able to go to the reception part because I had a funeral in the morning. It was very fun! The reception was a pot-luck dinner which I was a little iffy about but it turned out wonderful! In fact I think I may do something like that. Everyone brough great food. The picture of the gigantic martini glasses are what the couple sipped Pepsi from. They are both Pepsi adicts. Yes, the glasses are actually that huge it isn't just the angle I took the picture on.
I took a ton of pictures of Natalie and Barry's kids. They make the best looking babies ever! They are are the sweetest kids too!










Charity had a shin dig at her house last week. She made us really great food! The high light for me was the ice-cream cake! Yummmy!
Darryl stole baby Parker away from Natalie and I loved watching them together. He literally danced all around the house with the little man. Too cute!
I had to get a shot of Joe and Sarah's beautiful little bella Ella. She is sooo sweet!


















I had planned to go to Ottawa, Kingston, Guelph and Hamilton a couple weeks ago but ended up only being able to go Guelph. I wanted to keep up my relationships with my friends but my car died and then we had a death in the family so I only got to go and see my old camp friends Josh and September. They have a new adition to they're family. His name is Judah and he is such a sweet little baby.
I loved watching September and Josh interact together. September looked exhausted from being up with the cutie pie. It was great to see how Josh would step in and carry Judah so that September could take a break. They have a great new house. I have no doubt that they will have a great marraige and a great family. Josh is one of those guys that is hard not to like. He accepts everyone for who they are. September is the same way. They both have the greatest laugh! They are perfect for each other!















I found this picture of Brittany and I from way back to the play back. I was five and Britt must have been 6 months. My parents and I drove from Ontario out to BC. I love this picture of us.


Pictures of Dad when he was cool. Key word being was! Dad had the emo/beat nick thing going on when he was a teenager. I especially like his checkered pants. I think I got my funky style of dressing from him. Oh and no the girl in the picture is not my mom. She is some girl who liked to hide behind her hair in every picture I found of them together.
Dad looks kinda dreamy on the motorcycle.

Self Talk

Words of Wisdom

1. Their will always be someone better than you. Do the best that you can because you'll be better than someone else.

2. Sale isn't another word for Buy. Don't buy it unless you need it in the future ie:soap.

3. Dance your heart out!

My female singer/song writer hero Leslie Feist


I will buy every singe one of her CDs!

A Mish Mash of Thoughts

I am trying to only blog once a week so that I can stay in reality and not just in the internet community. So I have been thinking of tons of things to blog about but restricting myself in the use of the internet. That means I can't even edit my horrendous grammatical errors! Gahhhhh, that is torture!
Last time I wrote I forgot to tell you something about my fast that I found interesting. At the beginning of my fast I felt pretty good about it but then i realized I began to get bored more easily because I wasn't spending/wasting my time on the internet or watching movies. To fill my time I found myself going out and buying little doo dads that I wanted. Nothing super expensive but I really don't have a lot of money to be spending it on stuff. It isn't my fault entirely that I like things. My parents like stuff, we are frugle but we buy small things ie: dad likes to buy mom knick knacks as gifts and mom is always buying melittle things like ugly key chains, smelly perfumes etc etc for me. When I was a little girl when ever my parents went away they would bring me something back that was some what frivolous and served no purpose except to spoil me. Some things I bought during Lent that I didn't really need but really wanted were 2 Italian scarves and curvey pilsner beer glasses. Although I didn't need them they sure are pretty!






Random Thought
I'd rather look like a fairy than a hooker. I think that those new patent leather shoes that are so trendy look like hooker shoes. Half those younge girls who wear them don't even know how to walk in them. Since when did tall and clumsy become hot? What about short and dainty? I would rather wear those hindi inspired ballerina slippers and look some what graceful.


My towns people in my little stuck in the mud home town have been complaining about one the churches in my town. This church would like to have a shelter for the local street people. They actually want to provide some sort of haven for the hopeless, something my town is not very good at. Well the nieghbors are not too happy about this since is will be bringing in some seedy characters.
What I don't get is that only a couple blocks away is a porn shop. It just opened last year and nobody except for my friend complained about it. I believe her exact words to the city council man who took her call were "Have You Ever Been Raped?!?". Oh Steph you are the greatest!!!!*
Think about it they are complaining about an organization that wants to better the town and then we have the other extreme with the porn shop! A business that encourages the degredation of humans into sex toys. Their is a reason why their is such thing as a sex addict. Boys and girls can you say the words Rapist - Pedophile. Oh small home town how you are the pain in my ass!

My friend and pastor Joe is always coming up with creative ways of advertising for our monthyly agendas. I'm not sure if this was Joe's or Nathan's idea but I think that it is pretty great! Definetly eye catching! Don't you think?




I am showing the movie Simon Birch to my Leaders in Training group and I must say it has some great one liners. Here are two one liners I really like! Tee-Hee
(As Simon and Joe get into the cold water in the Corey)
"My balls just turned into marbles" "My balls just turned into bee-bees"
"My balls just turned into marbles" " My balls just turned into raisins"

Things from the 80's I will never wear again and hope never come back in style:

1.Unitards 2.Jumpers 3.Overalls 4.Sack style dresses 5.Night Gowns 6.Yellow gold 7.Zip Up Pyjamas 8.Big ass Sunday hats 9.Jelly shoes 10.Acid wash denim 11.Skinny jeans 12.Scrunchies 13.French braids 14.Bicycle shorts 15.Joggin suits 16. Slouchy shirts with a knot on the side. 16.Plaid lumberjack shirts 17.Floral print sunday dresses 18.Vests! 19.Teased bangs in a swooping band to the side. 20.Hot pink lip-stick 21.Mustaches 22.Madonna style braziers 23.Splash paints 24.Fanny sacks 25.Hammer pants 26.Hight cut pants and skirts

Things fromt the 80's I will wear again:
1.Leg Warmers! 2.Tights 3.Polka Dots 4.Big-ass dangly earings 5.Things with modern style lace 5.Fourescent! 7.Bangles 8.Canvas deck shoes 9.Scarves 10.Pumps 11.Long knecklaces 12.Broaches 13.Fish nets 14.Leggings 15.Teal 16.Lunch pails with matching thermoses 17. Tams (french hat) 18. Angora (I hate bunnies, they stink, poop everywhere, chew anything, scratch). 19.Mauve 20. Peach


*Her house is just around the corner from it.

Back Online After Lent (Hurray for Pictures!)

So I'm back online and just like any other fast I am going to slowly get back on here.
Lets see....surprisingly a lot of things have actually happened in my life.
1. I did the March break day camp at the Y, that took a good 3 weeks out of my life.
-I accidentally called one of the kid's mom grandma....."Joey say good bye to grandma" Ooops!
2. My grandma's husband died.
-As selfish as this sounds I feel like I have my grandma back after seven years. Her husband was not abusive just very egalitarian and ordered her around a lot. He liked his routine! My granny is very independant and to see her reduced to a servant angered me.
3. I went away on retreat to a convent in the Tdot.
-I met a man.....he was 95! Too cute! It was a beautiful day on the tuesday afternoon I sat down to pray on a bench and soon I see a figure in the distance slowly chugging my way. Well eventually that figure approached me on the bench and asked me for a seat. I was kind of ticked by the interuption but gently reminded myself that this could be an encounter arranged by God. His ailment..... loneliness. His name is Oscar and his wife died 8 months ago.

The path next door at the mental health ward

<
My room at the convent
\


I was playinging with the affects on the camera


I walked in the labrynth




Spring has come!

A candid shot, it wasn't intentional...



4. I got sick for 2 weeks :(
-I haven't been sick for that long since I was a kid!
5. I wrote a long much needed letter to a few old friends who have mentored me.
Okay now that I have written down those things they don't look that big but honestly those things took up some huge chunks of time.

Thoughts I have been swirling around in my head??? One of the traits I despise about people are people who pretend to be something they are not. I can't stand people who are fake. And I have been thinking about how unreliable my own emotions are. They kind of phib to me. I don't trust my feelings anymore. My dad taught me to quetion things all the time and to not just take peoples word as truth. I think he didn't want me to buy into everything some dynamic personality could sell me. Well now I am questioning myself, my feelings change at a whim! Especially when it is the full moon!



I can't trust myself, I wonder sometimes why I find some things funny? I'll ask myself what about that do I find so funny? Is it because that person is poking fun at another? Is it because I am making fun of someone or trying to make myself feel more important than that person? Anyway I think emotions are unreliable and hate that I'm a closet emotional person. I would like to conceal my feelings so that not everyone can tell what I'm feeling by the expression on my face. Like when i cry in a movie or when I blush because I feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. My friend Jen use to go so red and I would make fun of her all the time. Then when I got into my 20s I developed the same annoying tendencie (shakes fist at God) Thanks for the Karma God! My Emotions lie to me all the time!