Rejected

Fakebook Story: Adrienne just wants to curle up in internet-land and not come out again.

Hurt: is the word of for the night.

Fear of Rejection

When I was a little girl I wanted to be friends with one of my classmates named Melissa. I use to try so hard to be her friend with no success. I would ask her to come to my house and she would reject me. I would go home and cry to my mom about how much I wanted to be Melissa's friend.

Now, when ever I ask someone to do something and they can't, I feel like they are rejecting me. Even though they have a valid reason for not hanging out with me.

I need to remember that people are not rejecting me but that they have schedules of they're own. Plus I have been one who has rejected people before too, I am not blameless to this situation. Sometimes you just don't want to be close friends with certain people.

Thee Most Emotionally Gripping Movie Ever!

I almost foregot it had subtitles. After the Wedding, hint it does not centre around the wedding. I loved that it was a story with emotion rather than the redundant emotional romance.

Russel Peters Quote

"You can't do gang signs to a deaf person. They'll be like, that guy stutters."

Love it!

This is the most touching video clip I have ever seen!

Maybe you've seen this but I saw this for the first time last night and started tearing up. It didn't help that Whitney is the accompaniment music.

It reminded me of when I would see Jasper after being away from home for a long time. He use to jump up on my leg and hug it, and then he would nuzzle my kneck in un-controllable affection.

BAMMMM brain fart of the week

Dear North America, guns don't equal violence.
Stop trying to blame violence on inanimate objects. Start blaming it on a faulty system that increases poverty, due to policies that build fences to divide people between rich and poor, black and white, educated and uneducated, first nations and white.
Our system is a faulty system that keeps people in un-healthy situations because no one is willing to change the policies that keep them that way.

No one is willing to change the rate of minimuim wage.

No one is willing to change the way that welfare works.

No one is willing to re-vamp the criminal justice system.

No one is willing to change foriegn policy.

No one is willing to change Native policy.

People are hesitant to try alternative sources of energy.

The drug companies control medical care and food production.

This is hilarious

Yeh, guitar hero!
Hawk's entrance is seamless....literally!

Go in your room please......

So my flat-mate is currently practicing her french horn in the room adjacent to our living room, and lets just say I'm a wee bit annoyed! Piano is okay, but the horn is extremly annoying. I have my headphones on with the music cranked!

Isn't Part of the Couple's Club

I'm okay with hanging out with couples, I'm use to it, but some couples make me want to puke!
I can't stand when couples decide to hang out with each other just because they are couples, not necessarily because they have anything in common with one another other than the fact that they are married. Last night I tried to hang out with some new couple friends because I wanted to get to know them more. I thought that maybe we would invite some other people to chill with as well. Wellllll, cool couple number one invited pukey clingy couple number two, annnnd they invited single neutral guy to come hang out with us as well. So I really wanted to get to know cool wife but unfortunately clingy wife got to sit beside her and I didn't get to talk to her all night! I was totally bumbed! I ended up talking with husbands which was fine until I asked clingy huband some questions.

A: So M how is life?
M: Life is great.
A: Why is it great?
M: Well work is really great and welllll I'm married.

I wanted to hurl!!!!! I seriously just wanted to punch him in the face! Or as my room-mate suggested cut off his wedding finger.
These two couples have been spending time together while I've been busy with school, I don't think I'll ever get to know cool couple better:(. When am I going to have time to have a social life? I really wanted to get to know cool wife because I felt like we had a lot in common but now I feel like that opportunity is lost.

Exotic, Hip, Romantic

I must see the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

Facebook Story

Adrienne has good intentions, just not always the means to follow through.

Facebook story-Adrienne is stressed.

Guys I'm stressed=anxious
I don't feel confident about school, I don't feel confident that I'm going to get everything done on time.
I need help.
I ditched fakebook so I wouldn't spend as much time on it as I have been. I got my flatmate to change my password for me so that I wouldn't be able to sign in anymore and so that I wouldn't have to completly lose all of my friend and start all over after I reactivated my account.

I've brocken out in acne and my shoulders keep shrugging upwards with tension. I have to keep reminding myself to relax my shoulders and to breath.

Rain drops keep falling on my head=Study break

Dear Blog God

Where are my twenties going?

Jasper is gone.

About an hour ago my family and I did one of the hardest things ever, we put our 15 year old family pet down. Jasper was a great addition to our family. Dad was mad at first when we brought a dog home after he had specifically said no dogs. With time dad began to love him just as much as mom and I. With every choice their is always a consequence to consider, no matter whether we make good or bad decisions their are pros and cons to each. Dogs live a long time and they love unconditionally but they do not out last humans and so death comes quickly. I do not regret putting Jasper to sleep because he wasn't eating and this bowels and urinary tract were not co-operating.
The vet came to our house, dad and I restrained Jasper while he gently fell to sleep, mom and I wailed in anguish.
Good bye Jaspter, I loved you dearly and you loved me sweetly and innocently

Favourite Things and Scatters of my Brain

Boys my age who are way too afraid to make a move:(. Buddy if I ask you to do something that usually means if you ask me out I'll say yes.

Boys not my age with pretty smiles, nice physiques but way below my age. Adrienne has to keep slapping her own hand when ever she sees the nice nineteen/twenty year old life guard at her work. Bad Adrienne, bad Adrienne. Its so much easier to approach boys who are much younger than me, ahhhh I do not want to become a cougar and honestly I don't want a boy.


"The Dark Knight" blew my mind, I don't have one negative thing to say about it. Thank goodness Marvel didn't have its fingers dug too deeply into this one. Heath Ledger has left a legacy in this last movie.

Song of the summer of 2008, "American Boy" by Estelle feat. Kanye.

Finally an R&B vocalist I feel deserves my cash, she may have Kanye on her album but she is definetly full of drive and talent.

Adrienne wishes she could attract men that were in her age bracket.....

So it seems that teenage boys are attracted to me more than men within my age bracket.

Setting: Current place of employment

Teenage boy checks 27 year old Adrienne out and then comments to his mother: I want to get a job here.

Mother in patronizing tone: Oh no you don't.

To be continued with more stories about teenage boys.

Adrienne really WANTsED

to see WANTED

My Education and Vulnerability

I decided to follow Mr. Tom Froese's example and post a photo essay. The following are some pictures I took randomly through out the year which relate to my 'second' post secondary experience, this time at a real secular university. Also because I didn't really allow myself to truly blog because I made on my studies the higher priority. Here is a journal entry from my literary class. So enjoy my candid thoughts and shots.

Jan. 2nd 2008
Dear Professor Argyle,
I greatly enjoyed reading Tonio Krueger because, in true Adrienne style, I started relating Tonio’s experiences and contemplative thoughts to my own life. Like Tonio, I have always found myself somewhat of an outsider. However, unlike Tonio, my features and name didn’t pin me as an outsider. I am like Tonio in that I do have some similar personality traits and characteristics. For instance, I was and still am a day dreamer, an Anne of Green Gables type of girl in that I am romantic to the very core. I always thought that people did not really like me because they thought that I wasn’t very smart or because of my religious beliefs, but now I see that like Tonio, I was a sensitive spirit. A girl full of passion and compassion, a sensitive and deeply feeling type of person. I can relate to Tonio’s desire to be friends with the popular, good looking Hans because for almost all of my elementary school years, I had wanted to be friends with a girl who was, in my opinion, “the prettiest girl in my class”. All of the little boys had crushes on her and I had a friend-crush on her as well. I wanted to be like her and to look like her. I would come home from school and cry to my mom about the fact that I just wanted to be her friend, and yet she didn’t really want to be my friend. I tried to grow my hair to be as long as hers and I wore my hair in pigtails, just like hers. I invited her over numerous times to play at my house, but each time she rejected me.
Even in high school, I had a hard time fitting in. I had a few good friends, but it seemed I was unable to really make lasting relationships outside of that sphere of friends. I tried to conform through wearing the right clothes, listening to certain types of music and still I could not fully integrate into the rest of the high school crowd. I’ve come to accept the fact that I will never really “fit in”; I’ll never have a big group of friends to hang out with and know for years and years. As much as I fight the solitude, I embrace it as well. It is that space where I step back and observe things, specifically the way the world around me is shaped. In observing the world, I take something from it and make it mine. I see the wide open expanses of life around me. In conclusion, I see that my personality parallels Tonio’s because I realize that however sensitive I am, it is the layers of hurt and loneliness that have caused me to dig deep within myself and have made me a richer more colourful person. Without my struggles and heart breaks, I would not be who I am now. I feel that those things have enriched me and given deeper layers to my personality.

I went to Starbucks to study one day. I thought I would take advantage of the internet access they have, upon arriving I realized that I had to pay for it. Boo on corporate Starbucks:{. This was my view from the cushy mocha coloured chair I was sitting in.

My local Starbucks allows this homeless man to sleep during the day at the same table everyday. They give him free drinks and allow him to park his shopping cart out front with its many LCBO bags dangling from it. He doesn't smell and he is quite sociable with the many patrons. He seems fairly intelligent and it makes me wonder how or why he is on the street.
Procrastinating with my camera by my heater vent. Yeh, cool affects.

My beautiful campus at the beginning of October.

As usual the Christian clubs on campus made me disgusted by their advertising. Anyone looking at this poster would think that we Christian people think that our God is better than the others. Oh, I dunno its just plain bad advertising. Ya, God's pretty super but not like some super hero who is going to take away all your problems. Bleh, I just don't like religious clubs or clubs in general they just seem so exclusive.

Some people say that York is ugly but I like the ultra modern 60s style concrete and glass buildings. They may have a cold feeling but I feel so small beside them that it makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger on the York campus. I'm part of the student body of thee York university!

Studieing in the dance building.

Me procrastinating. I hate this shot because it shows every flaw on my skin. I was very anxious at the beginning of the year and my skin (like a mood ring) tells me how I'm feeling through acne and eczema. I thought that I would post it just to get over my vanity.
This has to be the most low-fi sign the city could have paid for. I thought it was hilarious and deserved being posted here.
This was my awsome room. I like how my lamp illuminates the whole shelf.
This is the house that I lived in. It was a great place to live but unfortunately circumstances beyond my control have forced me to leave. I still get to live in the same beautiful area on a street only a block away.

When I feel most like myself.....

You know how they say that alcohol brings out what people are really like, (insert questioning knowing tone) you know , the part that they hide from the general public. Well when I dance I feel like myself the most. I love dancing myself into a trance! When I use to be part of a charismatic youth group we use to have the most awsome musical worship sessions! I would dance and dance and dance until I put myself into a trance like state. Those were some of the most intense spiritual experiences I have ever had. I miss dancing.

This Summer I want to go out with some friends dancing. Who wants to come with me.

Current favourite iTunes DL, M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" on the album Kala. Nothing like a little female gangsta gorrilla music. I have actions to the song:). They include gun cocking motions. GIRL POWAH!

The Hour

Recently some school friends and I went to a live tapeing(sp?) of George Strombou's show The Hour. It was really fun, he interviewed Moby (who happens to be rather Crass) and I won a book. George was nice enough to pose for a picture.

Original Thought

A clean bathroom is like a bed with fresh sheets on it.

I'm Lazy Heres a Movie

Hey I'm a romantic and this actually looks like a decent love story. The main character probably dies in the end so it will be somewhat realistic. Plus they use The Stars music in the trailer.

Jack and Jill vs. The World

My New Favourite Comedian

Russel Peters

Check out his "Indian Accent" clip and his "Beat Your Kids"

Sooooo funny!

I Don't Need A Drug Trip to Have My Senses Hieghtened

Screw E, and just wait for good o'l aunt Flo to come and visit. Dude I swear my emotions are magnified to unbearability(is that a word?). Right now I just don't want to feel anymore! Everything just seems so dramatic!

iTunes is Dangerous......for me!

So I decided to take a risk and download iTunes onto my computer. All of a sudden I have access to a whole bunch of cheap music. The danger is that it doesn't really feel like I'm actually buying anything because I don't have anything solid in my hands, all I have to do is click click click and bam its added to my credit card!

First album I bought was Shad's "The Old Prince", to balance out my melancholic music selection. Current favourite song "Brother (Watching)", and favourite quote "grow some gonads and get some back bone". Don't usually like hip-hop or Christian music for that matter but he definetly breaks the mold of both. Plus bonus he's Canadian aaaannnnd I have numerous friends and acquaintences who are friends with him so its almost like I know him;).

Second album I bought was the incredible Stars' "In Our Bedroom After the War". Favourite songs on the album are "Personal", I think the lyrics are really creative and Amy Milan has such a soulful way of singing the words and making them her own. "The Beginning After the End", this song must be played on proper speakers with the volume turned up! The bass is amazing!

Second album is the new band Vampire Weekend, they are pretty good, not my favourite and a little bit of an impulse buy. They are happy music so I have something to bob my head to.

Okay back to the Literary paper.

This Road is Paved with Good Intentions

I splurged today, I didn't want to do the Anthro paper so instead I procrastinated for over two hours now. Tomorrows a new day.

Life Reflections:
~I am only ordinary.
~Control freak
~Back Stabber
~Prideful
~Joy taker
~Single (by choice and yet not by choice)
~Being vulnerable with someone is a risk you take. I'll just have to risk it again with someone else who isn't quite as hormonal.

Buying those new clothes today didn't make me feel better

Last Post for Awhile

Hey my favourite blog readers,

Its time for me to say good-bye for a little while. I'm not breaking up with you I just need a break okay;). I've been procrastinating too much and its gotten a little ridiculous with how much time I spend on here. So for a little while I'm going to be only using the internet for e/mail and school stuff. I'm a tactile person who loves to click click click with her fingers and read useless information.

Before I sign off I just want to encourage you to SMILE at the hopeless people on the side walks of our dirty down-towns. That man who smells and that women with the horrible teeth who ask for money or are speaking louder than necessary, look them in the eye and smile a hello to them or "I'm sorry I don't have change to spare". Let them know that you acknowledge them as a human being. You'll be surprised at the return responses you get.

If you want to read something check out this old blog of mine and if you need to laugh or you need some pointers on picking up chicks head over to this blog and this blog and this blog and this blog of my friend Ron's. Trust me you won't regret reading his blog, he is one cockey boy!

Last Post for Jan

I've been going blog crazy lately and now its time to stop blogging for January.

Before I go listen to This. Its is the best of both music worlds! The Hood Internet has given djing a new twist. Its not just intertwining two songs together as one moves over for the other but combining the two together to make one kick ass mix. I love it when they take two opposing styles and marry them to one another. So good! I especially like this one and this one and this one and of course this one!

Mr. RonASmith.com I think you'll like this a lot! Joh I think you'll like this as well.

Okay back to reading for school:(. Catcher in the Rye is not that great, I was really hopeing it would be a gooder.

Meanderings

Last weekend I worked a double shift at work=16hours. My co-worker and friend was pissed at me for confusing a shift so instead of her being ticked at me I took a shift of hers which meant I worked way too many hours. I figured it would be better for me to be disgruntle toward her than her to be upset with me. I explained my rotten situation to my friend Galen and she said that maybe God would bless me at work in a way I wouldn't expect.
He did! At the end of my shift I had some time to kill. So I sat down with some of the residents(I work at a refugee shelter) and watched some TV. One of the little girls sat on my lap. She started petting my bright blond hair. And I asked her if it was soft, she nodded her head. She then gently kissed each side of my tresses and then crawled all over me. I tickled her and bounced her on my leg as she squealed with glee "I'm a monkey!". And that was the blessing God gave me.
Thank You God

Happy Birthday to ME!!!! I'm 27!?!?!!!!

This is a picture I took of myself this morning just after I woke up. Its pretty daring because I don't have any makeup on. Its the pasty, chapped lip, zits Adrienne. I hate Winter for this very reason. So this is me trying to be real on the internet.

My small group thought I was turning 23-25ish! Ya I don't feel 27! When did that happen?

I had my Living Room (small group) for dinner and mom & dad sent me a gift. They gave me an Anne Geddes book. Don't quite know what to do with it because it isn't quite my cup of tea but in true mom style she wrote in it so I would have to keep it:(. Ya, she actually writes in the books and on things she gives me so that I don't return them. My theory on gifts is that if you truly know the person you will give them something they like. Otherwise you don't know them at all. On the other hand Jeff and Cindy gave me a gift cert to a music store, very happy about that! Yeah music!

Christmas is fun but not restfull

Here are some fun pictures from Christmas time. Enjoy:).



Brittany and I slept together at Aunty Liz's! It was very fun but not a very restful sleep for me:). I'm not use to having another body next to me. After I came in from brushing my teeth I caught her texting a boy while she was in bed. Hee-hee.

Brittany and I decided to wake up Ryan on Christmas day. This resulted in Brittany getting punched in the nose as Ryan blindly swung his arms to deflect our rambuncious excitement towake him. I think he looks like a grumpy old man in the one picture. I tried to play peek-a-boo with Hannah on her parent's bed.......she didn't know quite what to think about that as you can see by the quizzical look on her face. This is a classic Hannah face.

I bulked up on dried apples, dried mangoes, nuts, oriental rice mix and yogurt cover raisins at the Bulk Barn while I was home. I also bough Jam some semi natural gummy bears. I miss my beloved Bulk Barn, it has to be the greatest store idea ever! I especially love the spice area! The closest one to me here is 45 mins:(. I wrote them and asked if they would consider building one closer to me....you think I'm kidding right? Well I'm not!

Some wierd dude(Tom) at a party trying to eat a heart? I'm in the background.

Is it an illusion?

What if all that I desire is simply smoke and mirrors which I have created in my head? A fantasy I dreamed and then blew into another unsuspecting human form?



PS Luvbeat is something I've been checking out lately. I can't tell if its a spoof or for real. I like it though. Plus once again they come from Texas, what is this, when did Texas become cool?