Continuation of Confession #2 Online Dateing the Trilogy Continued

This is a continuation from this post and this post. Read or browse before reading this current post. So after I wrote my release post in order to let go of Mr. Internet Man last February I went to check my myspace account. Low and behold he had written me after two months of respectful silence. He said that he was coming to Sdot for our mutual connections wedding and if I would meet him. He said that he wasn't trying to 'reignite any embers that had died". I responded that I wanted to meet him and had been praying that some day I would meet him. The problem was that the wedding was not until August!

The wait was torture but I endured. I contacted him in June just to say hello and see how he was doing. Really it was just to let him know i still remembered he would be coming to Sdot. He wrote back saying he would be coming soon and I wrote back "so whats the game plan". We talked about dates and such.

Time began to inch closer, I prayed for beautiful weather and that we would have a good amount of time to get acquainted with each other. God answered my prayer with the most gorgeous day. I took him down to the river and the beach. Unfortunately he forgot to bring his swim suit so we weren't able to swim, I was very disappointed about that. We got fries under the bridge (a local tradition) and ate ice-cream together. The day ended with his suggestion of swinging on swings at the near by park, which I heartily agreed to. We ate ice-cream and swung on the swings. We both sat and drank in the beauty of the sun filtering through the trees and it was a moment of peace and contentment. I broke the silence by saying "I'm glad I met you" and he responded with an incredulous "why". I told him "because now I have closure" he met this response with silence but in that silence I sensed hurt. My friend Galen says that he was probably hurt because he probably had an a slight hope for more in the back of his mind. Yet, for me their was no romantic connection, he just seemed like a cousin to me. As if I was hanging out with my cousin Ryan. He was just as kind and gentle as I had thought he was on the phone. He is a beautiful person. I questioned him as to why he had gone cold on me in the Winter and still he did not feel comfortable with telling me. I'm okay with it though. He is moving to Portland for art school and I moved to Toronto for University.

His name is Cameron Stewart, he is wise and contemplative. I wish him the best and I hope he meets the woman of his dreams because he deserves her.

EMO education

I can't sleep, I went on youtube.
Sorry I don't know how to display videos properly.
If you have over 20 mins watch "How to be EMO" . The nerd dudes that made this video confused emo with straight edge.

If you have a less than ten minutes check out "What is Emo", their are emo boys all over the world.
"Boys wear girls trousers and tight shirts."
"Just a drop of goth tears"

Love it!

I want to be pretty

I've been told that I'm beautiful but I want to know that I'm aesthetically pleasing. Men in Toronto are much more expressive about telling a women that she is beautiful butttttt.....I know they just think I'm sweet and perky.
One slightly enebreated(I like this word) man told me I was pretty but ended it with girl, "pretty girl". Thus negating the pretty part all together by referring to me as a pretty GIRL. Not a pretty women.

I've been comtemplating my beauty a lot lately and I feel that being inundated by many adverts has distorted my understanding of beauty drastically(okay not just ads but many other things). I want to find my unique beauty for myself...... does any woman truly find this......does any human ever find this?

Am I pretty?


PS one day I want buy some random T-shirts and sponge on some random words I really like. Maybe I'll make a line and call them scrabble shirts? Now someone will steal my idea because I posted it on the WWW. Okay back to the dreaded paper.

Connect the Rock Block

My favourite radio station in London has a contest called connect the rock block where callers have to call in and guess how three songs are connected to each other. Well I want to play that game with you reader. So you have to connect the rock block of these three bands who as of late I have been listening to.

Eisley

I can't say enough about this band and I don't know why I haven't found them up until now! I lived 20 mins from where they hail and they are a Christian band. However I have heard whispers of them in my social circles but have never actually been able to grace my ears with they're beautiful music. If I was a guy I would definelty have a crush on the girls in this band, they are beautifully etherial and bohemian in look and stature. Plus all the band members are related to each other, they all have the last name DuPree sooooo..... they are either siblings or siblings and cousins. I'd say they are Christian musics best kept indie band secret, I had no idea they were Christian when I found them. You'd think I would have heard them at C-stone, since they have been around since 1997. Current fave songs on this CD are Sight to Behold and Combinations. These girls have the most haunting voices, full of melodious soft notes that cast a spell on the listener!

<---Family Force 5

I love this band! They are hilarious! Unfortunately they are under the command of the former member of DCTalk, T-Mac but hey Relient K is under Gotee records and they have still kept things fresh.

This band has a frenetic energy and kind of remind me of what TFK use to be like before they were swayed to loose the rap-rock attitude and aim for the more melodic emo style that was popular at the begin of the 000's and is slowly fading away. These boys surprisingly hail from the South. I know they are a teeny bopper band but sometimes I need something to balance out the melancholic music I usually gravitate to.
They also dabble with film a little bit and have the mose hilarious music video's. The video I like the most is for Kountry Gentleman, the best part is the fight scene where they whip out combs and use them as pseudo switch blades to try and brush each others hair. Very Funny!

They have a fashion style reminiscent to a band a lot of my American friends use to like called Skillet(to the right). Skillet, consists of horrible poppy music that reminds me of drinking a can of pink crush when what I really want is a can of Vanilla Coke! Grosse! FF5 is definetly the Vanilla Coke I crave.

Iron and Wine

I've known about Sam Bean's little musical get-up for awhile but still haven't bought a CD. Beautiful acoustic guitar paired with rich male vocals, def some cool chill music.

They all hail from the dirty south of Texas!

Conversation with God

I asked God a question recently that I've asked Him many times before.
Usually he answers this question with "soon". But then I got angry with Him when he kept giving me that answer and it never happened "soon". I told him I didn't want to hear that answer anymore.
This time when I asked He answered with "Its not the right time". This answer still has me quite ansy but not as angry, its still an ambiguous answer for a concrete systematic human.
Oh God you are hilarious! I know its not the right time but....WHEN???????

Sometimes I Feel Like God is like my Parents

He/they may have created me but they don't understand me.

He/they don't understand my innermost struggles and greatest desires.

He/they hear me but don't comprehend me.

He/they don't understand my desire for financial autonomy and the hell I have gone through to try and achieve it.


Me me me me me, I know its all about me. But I am a generous me and without the financial autonomy I can't be that side of me. I would rather spend on others than myself......kind of like my father. Sometimes I think we don't feel worthy or that its right to spend on ourselves.

I'm better than you.....I hate condescending people!

As of late I have come in contact with a couple people who seem to exemplify the persona of the Condescender.

Its hard to pin down because you know that 'apparently'they have the 'best' interests in their arguements for the improvement of others but then they begin to lecture and lecture and lecture..... And then you just want to punch them in the face.

Or they say snide insinuating remarks that are not affirming at all! Like ya I think next time you could do this better or next time can you do this instead of that. Or little belittleing comments that don't seem like much but then they begin to pile up and pile up and become this big mamoth red hot iron that brands the person(s) they are referring to as a slab of "your not that special to me" jargon. And I'm more interested in what you could be than what you are.

In our Christian culture we are always trying to improve ourselves or help others improve who they are. Well I suggest that we start AFFIRMING others more! Lets build them up instead of tearing them down.

I know that these Condescenders have insecurity issues with themselves and that is why they are the way that they are but it is still no excuse for such jevenile behaviour. Get over yourselves already! If only I could scream that at such a persons face.