Friday, February 2, 2007

Confession #1 (a secret revealed)

Title: Why I Started Blogging

I started blogging because of a guy. Two years three years ago....or so....I met a guy who's aura I was instantly attracted to. Cockiness (or confidence) that dripped off of him, death grip of a hand shake, extremly engaging & personable, arty, comical, skate boarder, former rebel and compassionate youth worker. He was perfect in my eyes.
At first when i thought about writting this blog I wanted to make him anonymous but I don't think I will. His name is Carlo, I was going to call him Mossimo (giggle) but what ever. I met Carlo twice briefly before I was able to actually engage with him. The first time we met was at a camp I use to go to as a teenager, he was the speaker and I came up for a visit. I wasn't too impressed with him at first because I thought he was overly confident and liked to wear costumes for the theme night that revealed his nice physique. His presence quickly captivated me and I asked around about him. I got an introduction but never really had a chance to chit chat.
Then in the Fall I found out he would be at a youth workers conference I was to attend so I made sure that I was able to get an introduction. Shy as I am I did briefly get introduced but again not anything else. He didn't even remember me! I prayed and asked God for more of an opportunity but got more than I bargained when a prank I played involveing coffee and salt ended up being given to him. Oops:)

I then cooked up a plan to go back to my old stompin grounds and be a camp counselor for a week to finally get a good meeting. I missed being at camp so I wanted to go back anyway. I discussed my plan with a married guy friend and he gave me the go ahead. I pursued it but soon learned that Carlo was not going to be up that week. I took it as a sign and decided to go to camp anyway.
During that time I had started volunteering at a youth drop-in centre that was newly started. I decided to call my friend up North to get some advice from him because he has been running a drop-in centre for a few years. He referred me to his co-director......Carlo. So I called Carlo. I was sooo nervous! But I did it! And we talked for two hours! During that time we only spoke about ministry stuff for half an hour. I had never connected with anyone like that in my life! He was everything I though he would be. We ended the phone call with a positive note. He said he wanted to talk to me again so I said that next time he could call me.
Five days later he called again and we had a great conversation. I called him a few days after that and another good dialogue happened. During the course of our conversations he figured out I knew him and I clued him in about our meetings but still no recognition! We e-mailed a bit, he wanted to know what I looked like but I would only send him old photos because at the time I was struggling with some hard core adult acne. I was really struggling with sending him a recent picture. During our conversations we would tell each other stories and talk about different analgies God had been teaching us. One time I told Carlo a story about a hard day at work and he said "you should write a blog" and I responded with "a blog? who would read my blog?". I didn't start one because I thought that blogs were silly. It was also during one of our conversations that he hinted at coming up for a visit to camp.
Well he did. One morning God told me he would be thier that day. I just knew it in my knower. After lunch I saw him from a ways back but he didn't see him. I wanted to see if he would notice me as well. He is one of those flambouyant personalities and I wanted him to come to me. Well..... eventually he did we talked briefly and the whole time I was really self concious about the acne and whether I had salad in my teeth. It was late in the day and he had to leave abruptly to go to court. I asked him to come visit again, he promised to try but said that if he couldn't I should give him a call. He never came and when i called him after camp our phone conversation was not quite as animated as it had been. I tried sending him a couple e/mails but to no avail. In October 05 I started a blog and sent out a forward to everyone on my e/m list (including Carlo) with a link to the blog. I began writing in my blog as if I was writing to him but never mentioning him. Eventually I realized he probably never read the blog and started blogging just for the fun of it.
The End


Johanna said...

I started to blog for a boy too; Tomster.

Oh my, now everyone who reads your blog will know this little tidbit.


/dr. said...

i've been hopping FT blogs and landed on yours.

strange because i know carlo! i hung out with him a few times during the year i live in p-town. i also volunteered at the same youth center.

ps. DANG! he does have confidence doesn't he? :)